Now that was pretty cool

My son is in graduate school at the University of Buffalo and is majoring in Choral conducting.

I really don't know jack about what the conductor actually does, I've been to the philharmonic and seen all the waving and gesturing, but I really don't know much about what makes a good conductor a good conductor. I feel the same way about most rap music, I mean, how do you tell when it's done well?

My musical taste definitely trends toward lo-fi. I LOVE the Clash, Tom Waits, and enjoy some of the newer bands like the White Stripes and the Fratellis. I just don't get Jazz, seems like 'hey mom, check this out' - music for musicians, I think. (I'm not trying to alienate Jazz-heads, I play guitar and I'm aware of the amazing musical and technical skill, it doesn't speak to me though)

Anyhow, my son conducted the UB Chorus last night in a concert. It was his first real conducting performance. He does intern at a Lutheran church near our house and conducts that choir, but it's a small congregation, more like performing for a small group of family. He did two pieces by Brahms and they sounded really great. The whole concert was a pleasant surprise. Like most parents, I've been to dozens of performances (or games if they're sporty). My one daughter sang opera, and I just don't get that either, but I've been to a bunch of her performances too. Needless to say, I've seen some brutal plays and musicals...

But he's 23 now, and the Chorus was at least semi-pro, and it was truly beautiful. My wife sang choir for many years (made the all-state chorus when she was in high-school) so she actually knows the technical aspects of it.

But for me, it was all about my son. Standing in his suit, with his tragically inherited bald head, waving his arms in great swoops and gestures.

And from where I sat, that was pretty cool.
m.

overwhelmed

I don't know if it's the impending Christmas Holiday or just the way life is working right now, but man, there's just so many things these days that are just out of reach for me.

It comes from a good place I suppose. I'm a fixer. I want everyone to get along and do what needs to be done. But there's the trick. It's what I think should be done. And people just don't work that way. Most of the stuff that I wring my hands over are things that I really can't effect any real change over. I don't have control over time and space, even though somewhere inside me I must think that I do.

So I feel a bit helpless and ineffectual as a result.

One of my daughters is struggling in her marriage both financially and personally. Two of my other kids are having a major problems with each other right now. One of my clients at work's management has issues with my company's management. And I want to sit them all down and tell them how to make that better.

At the end of the day though, that's just arrogance. People feel how they feel, and most of the time feel pretty justified as to how they got there.

Oh, I've got opinions. Just ask, you'll get a bunch.

But it sure is hard for me to sit by and watch...
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Here we go...

I live in Buffalo, NY. This town is known for several things. Chicken Wings, Da Bills and their Super Bowl losses, and snow.

We have a reputation as a broke down steel town and that's true too, but it is still an amazing city to live in. We have one of the best theatre communities I've ever seen with at least a dozen small companies doing all sorts of different plays, a great original music community, and some of the best regional food I've had anywhere. (Unreal ethnic food, Polish, German, Italian - really excellent stuff)

But what most people know about Buffalo is that it snows here. Sometimes a lot.

When I was seventeen (in 1977), we had the Blizzard of '77. It was amazingly bad. We had a boat load of snow with sustained high winds for 3-4 days. Lots of people got stranded, some died in their cars when they were buried in the snow. Things like that stick in the public consciousness, so I guess it's no wonder everyone associates Buffalo with huge amounts of snow. (Malibu will be known for the fires as much as the beaches, especially after this year) I was stuck at my house and my job was to try to keep the driveway clear. I was out shoveling for the third time of the day and went for a bit of a walk with a couple of my neighborhood friends.

We lived near a viaduct where a highway ran parallel to our house and I walked down to check it out. The wind had blown the snow over the dip in the road so that I had to duck to go under the bridges. It was unreal. There were three bridges and the snow had just about filled in the entire area below all three. On the other side of the third bridge, as the road was coming up the other side, I tripped - on an antennae from a car buried in the snow. My friends and I dug the car out (It was bitter cold, so the snow was powdery) just to see if someone was inside. (No one was - that would have been really creepy and horrible).

We spent a bit of time jumping from the bridges into the powder just for fun. The snow had drifted over the second floor windows of the back of my house up to the roof line. It was surreal.

Now there is some arctic air coming down from our Canadian friends (just 15 min. and you're in Canada), sweeping over the lake and more than likely dropping snow on us. Sure it snows, but we deal. And it's really not too bad most of the time, sometimes it's beautiful. We have ski resorts and all kinds of stuff to do in the winter. Mostly I hang out with my wife, drink wine and hang out in front of a fire. Which to me, is a really nice way to enjoy the winter.

It's what you get when you live here, and the people here are a tough bunch. I can't count the number of times people have helped push each other out of snow banks and help clear each other's driveways. It's just what you do.

I've lived other places and I came back. The only time I really mind the winter is when it won't let go. When it's March and gray and spring just can't break through.

Buffalo is getting smaller, and a bit small time-y now, and it has it share of problems. But this is a great community to live and raise a family and I wouldn't live anywhere else!

So, let it snow. I've got shovels, I've got a snow blower.

And I just bought a case of pretty good wine....
m.

Bath Pouf

I just don't get these things. My wife is a huge proponent of the bath pouf. First of all, what a stupid name for a bit of nylon or whatever they are made of. And I always thought that was a derogatory phrase for a gay man. Ah, the power of American marketing.

My wife periodically will pick these up at Target or Wal-mart color coordinated for each member of the family. Cycle out the old, in with the new...

Now I get that. I wouldn't want to use my twenty-something son #2's pouf. I mean, I don't want to use his towel.

My wife says they exfoliate your skin, which as we've all been told, is a good thing. (Exfoliate is of course from the ancient Greek roughly translated as 'road rash') Then of course, you'll need a body wash to apply to the pouf. But you're not supposed to use the body wash on your face, there is a totally separate soap dispenser in our shower for that.

Now I'm not a classic guy's guy. I don't hunt, I cook, I love spending time with my wife, I don't go out drinking with 'the boys'. I don't change the oil in my car, I hate freaking cars, they just take your money and break your heart (I feel a country western song coming on).

My wife is not the classic girl's girl either. She doesn't wear makeup (which I really like) and is not fussy about her appearance. I don't spend tons of time waiting for her to get ready while she does her hair and fusses. She looks great just the way she is.

But she's totally into the shower regimen thing.

Me, I like soap - you know that bar thing that people used to use (unless you're from France). And the pouf, to me just feels like your scratching a layer of skin off. And frankly, most guys I know (myself included) don't want to spend the day smelling like a pomegranate. And washing your naughty bits with one of these things I think could be deemed a method of torture by the U.N.

So I'll pass on the bath scratchies, thank you very much.

m.

Dog people vs. cat people

I live two blocks from the biggest city park in my town. The park has the city zoo, a running track, golf course, tennis and basketball courts. Everyone in my neighborhood seems to have a dog. Everyone. In fact, I think I know more of the dog names than their owners.

Because of my proximity to the park, there is a constant flow of dog walkers to and from the park. So, I am totally in a 'dog people' area.

I grew up with dogs, or one in particular. We got Doc when I was six years old and we definitely had the boy and his dog thing going. He was around until my second year in college, when I returned home. My parents divorced when I was a junior in high school and when I returned home my second semester, the family home was sold and I went to visit my mom in her new apartment. No Doc. When I asked my mom she actually said 'We thought you wouldn't notice'.

She had put him down over the winter, never told me. Un-freakin'-believable, she said he was sick, but I wonder if the new apartment just didn't accept pets. Obviously, my mom and I have issues. (Re-reading this I realize what a horrible story this is - man, oh man)

Since my wife and I have been together we've had cats. We've had some wonderful pets, so I guess I'm a confirmed cat person now. My daughter (#3) is away at graduate school (Pharmacy major) and has her cat 'Belle' and they both came home over the Thanksgiving break. It was great to see my daughter, but having Belle back in the house was a bonus. She's goofy and affectionate, and loves to be around her people. I caught myself a few times yesterday looking for Belle after my daughter went back 'home' to her apartment.

Of course, cats are superior house mates. You don't have to walk them, and they always do their business in the same place. Not as pliant as a dog, but I think cats are just as smart, just a lot more independent. And more than once I've seen my neighbors in the worst of weather out there walking their dogs. I just look out the window, and sip my coffee and think how much that must suck. I guess it would be different if I could just let the dog out in the yard, but we're in the city, just not do-able. And even if we had the yard fixed up for that the clean up would be a real drag.

We took daughter #3 to Wal-Mart (God, I hate that store) to pick up Christmas decorations for her apartment, and there were dozens of Christmas outfits there for dogs. My wife commented that there weren't any for cats.

That's because they'd have to come with a first aid kit. No way would any self-respecting cat sit still for that shit...
m.

Thanks

We don't go 'round the table and ask everyone what they are thankful for, something we just never did.

But since I've joined the Blogger thing...

First and foremost I'm thankful for my wife. I can't imagine what my life would look like if she hadn't been a part of everything I've done the last 25 years. She makes me laugh, shares her perspective on things, keeps me sane. I'm often astonished at her ability to see the plots and sub-plots of human interaction. For example, if I relate something going on at work, she will see it from a perspective that I had not thought of, and is usually proved right. This has proven to be an invaluable gift to me and has helped me to not get caught up in bullshit. I expect this ability is uniquely female, and guys out there should take the time and actually listen the women in their lives. She doesn't play games, doesn't keep score in arguments (past or present) and doesn't bitch (unless I've got it coming - I do have to fix the screen door). We have an amazing relationship and friendship and she still rocks my world after 25 years. I know how lucky we are - and I've not seen a marriage that works like ours anywhere.

Secondly, my children and grandkids. I am so proud of all of them. They've turned out to be good, strong, loving grown-ups. Grandkids are a great gig. All the fun without half of the worry! They don't need to be 'great successes' in the world, I just want them to be happy in whatever they do. It's amazing how different they've all turned out, a strange blend of both Patti and I, but again, I couldn't be prouder.

All the rest, to me anyway, are details. Without my family around me, all the wealth in the world couldn't make up for it....

Happy Thanksgiving all, take stock in what you have and try to see the goodness in each other!
And by all means, eat too much and fall asleep in front of the TV, it is Thanksgiving after all..
m.

'Tis the season

I saw a fully lit Christmas tree in someones home window on the way to work today.

No surprise that, I suppose. The retailers have had their Christmas stuff up for some weeks now and it seems to me that at this rate, Christmas in July won't be the novelty thing it was intended to be.

I love Christmas, it's always been a great time for my family and I. I don't decorate the outside of my house, no giant inflatable Santa displays or even lights. I like the lights, but jeez its a lot of work. And I live in Buffalo, it's cold here in the winter, it snows, sometimes quite a bit. Sometimes I rationalize that I should go out and put up some outdoor decorations, just some lights, wreaths that sort of thing. I don't want those twig reindeer or inflatable things, I really think they're kinda tacky. But obviously, I'm in the minority here, they are EVERYWHERE!

But then I think, once the holiday is over, I'll have to be out there. In January. In Buffalo. And it doesn't seem like such a great idea. When the kids were small they were always lobbying to get the tree up early and go nuts. I always held the line here. (bah, humbug - I know)

The tree goes up after Thanksgiving and comes down New Years. After Christmas day I want the tree down - like on the 26th! I don't know why, but other than the post Christmas return and sale shopping orgy that follows, I'm just done, ya know?

Patti and I were out at a few stores yesterday and after 3 stores with the same Christmas songs playing over and over - I just don't know. It's just such an assault now. It seems kinda forced.
Don't even get me started on the 'Happy Holiday/Merry Christmas' thing. It's Christmas, deal with it.

And how about Thanksgiving? How come we can say Happy Thanksgiving? How does the American Indian population view that holiday? Little prediction here - within 10 years this holiday will be called something else - something soft and safe and completely meaningless and impotent.

I want to participate in the spirit of these holidays, but not in the practice of it. And I don't think I'm alone here. But the only way I can see to do that is to pull back. To make Christmas a thing that just happens inside my own home. And I think something is lost there as a community, that shared experience, completely mowed over by the twisted PC Juggernaut it's become.

And it's hard for me to view the holidays and not feel a sense of some loss.
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