Now that was pretty cool

My son is in graduate school at the University of Buffalo and is majoring in Choral conducting.

I really don't know jack about what the conductor actually does, I've been to the philharmonic and seen all the waving and gesturing, but I really don't know much about what makes a good conductor a good conductor. I feel the same way about most rap music, I mean, how do you tell when it's done well?

My musical taste definitely trends toward lo-fi. I LOVE the Clash, Tom Waits, and enjoy some of the newer bands like the White Stripes and the Fratellis. I just don't get Jazz, seems like 'hey mom, check this out' - music for musicians, I think. (I'm not trying to alienate Jazz-heads, I play guitar and I'm aware of the amazing musical and technical skill, it doesn't speak to me though)

Anyhow, my son conducted the UB Chorus last night in a concert. It was his first real conducting performance. He does intern at a Lutheran church near our house and conducts that choir, but it's a small congregation, more like performing for a small group of family. He did two pieces by Brahms and they sounded really great. The whole concert was a pleasant surprise. Like most parents, I've been to dozens of performances (or games if they're sporty). My one daughter sang opera, and I just don't get that either, but I've been to a bunch of her performances too. Needless to say, I've seen some brutal plays and musicals...

But he's 23 now, and the Chorus was at least semi-pro, and it was truly beautiful. My wife sang choir for many years (made the all-state chorus when she was in high-school) so she actually knows the technical aspects of it.

But for me, it was all about my son. Standing in his suit, with his tragically inherited bald head, waving his arms in great swoops and gestures.

And from where I sat, that was pretty cool.
m.

overwhelmed

I don't know if it's the impending Christmas Holiday or just the way life is working right now, but man, there's just so many things these days that are just out of reach for me.

It comes from a good place I suppose. I'm a fixer. I want everyone to get along and do what needs to be done. But there's the trick. It's what I think should be done. And people just don't work that way. Most of the stuff that I wring my hands over are things that I really can't effect any real change over. I don't have control over time and space, even though somewhere inside me I must think that I do.

So I feel a bit helpless and ineffectual as a result.

One of my daughters is struggling in her marriage both financially and personally. Two of my other kids are having a major problems with each other right now. One of my clients at work's management has issues with my company's management. And I want to sit them all down and tell them how to make that better.

At the end of the day though, that's just arrogance. People feel how they feel, and most of the time feel pretty justified as to how they got there.

Oh, I've got opinions. Just ask, you'll get a bunch.

But it sure is hard for me to sit by and watch...
m.

Here we go...

I live in Buffalo, NY. This town is known for several things. Chicken Wings, Da Bills and their Super Bowl losses, and snow.

We have a reputation as a broke down steel town and that's true too, but it is still an amazing city to live in. We have one of the best theatre communities I've ever seen with at least a dozen small companies doing all sorts of different plays, a great original music community, and some of the best regional food I've had anywhere. (Unreal ethnic food, Polish, German, Italian - really excellent stuff)

But what most people know about Buffalo is that it snows here. Sometimes a lot.

When I was seventeen (in 1977), we had the Blizzard of '77. It was amazingly bad. We had a boat load of snow with sustained high winds for 3-4 days. Lots of people got stranded, some died in their cars when they were buried in the snow. Things like that stick in the public consciousness, so I guess it's no wonder everyone associates Buffalo with huge amounts of snow. (Malibu will be known for the fires as much as the beaches, especially after this year) I was stuck at my house and my job was to try to keep the driveway clear. I was out shoveling for the third time of the day and went for a bit of a walk with a couple of my neighborhood friends.

We lived near a viaduct where a highway ran parallel to our house and I walked down to check it out. The wind had blown the snow over the dip in the road so that I had to duck to go under the bridges. It was unreal. There were three bridges and the snow had just about filled in the entire area below all three. On the other side of the third bridge, as the road was coming up the other side, I tripped - on an antennae from a car buried in the snow. My friends and I dug the car out (It was bitter cold, so the snow was powdery) just to see if someone was inside. (No one was - that would have been really creepy and horrible).

We spent a bit of time jumping from the bridges into the powder just for fun. The snow had drifted over the second floor windows of the back of my house up to the roof line. It was surreal.

Now there is some arctic air coming down from our Canadian friends (just 15 min. and you're in Canada), sweeping over the lake and more than likely dropping snow on us. Sure it snows, but we deal. And it's really not too bad most of the time, sometimes it's beautiful. We have ski resorts and all kinds of stuff to do in the winter. Mostly I hang out with my wife, drink wine and hang out in front of a fire. Which to me, is a really nice way to enjoy the winter.

It's what you get when you live here, and the people here are a tough bunch. I can't count the number of times people have helped push each other out of snow banks and help clear each other's driveways. It's just what you do.

I've lived other places and I came back. The only time I really mind the winter is when it won't let go. When it's March and gray and spring just can't break through.

Buffalo is getting smaller, and a bit small time-y now, and it has it share of problems. But this is a great community to live and raise a family and I wouldn't live anywhere else!

So, let it snow. I've got shovels, I've got a snow blower.

And I just bought a case of pretty good wine....
m.

Bath Pouf

I just don't get these things. My wife is a huge proponent of the bath pouf. First of all, what a stupid name for a bit of nylon or whatever they are made of. And I always thought that was a derogatory phrase for a gay man. Ah, the power of American marketing.

My wife periodically will pick these up at Target or Wal-mart color coordinated for each member of the family. Cycle out the old, in with the new...

Now I get that. I wouldn't want to use my twenty-something son #2's pouf. I mean, I don't want to use his towel.

My wife says they exfoliate your skin, which as we've all been told, is a good thing. (Exfoliate is of course from the ancient Greek roughly translated as 'road rash') Then of course, you'll need a body wash to apply to the pouf. But you're not supposed to use the body wash on your face, there is a totally separate soap dispenser in our shower for that.

Now I'm not a classic guy's guy. I don't hunt, I cook, I love spending time with my wife, I don't go out drinking with 'the boys'. I don't change the oil in my car, I hate freaking cars, they just take your money and break your heart (I feel a country western song coming on).

My wife is not the classic girl's girl either. She doesn't wear makeup (which I really like) and is not fussy about her appearance. I don't spend tons of time waiting for her to get ready while she does her hair and fusses. She looks great just the way she is.

But she's totally into the shower regimen thing.

Me, I like soap - you know that bar thing that people used to use (unless you're from France). And the pouf, to me just feels like your scratching a layer of skin off. And frankly, most guys I know (myself included) don't want to spend the day smelling like a pomegranate. And washing your naughty bits with one of these things I think could be deemed a method of torture by the U.N.

So I'll pass on the bath scratchies, thank you very much.

m.

Dog people vs. cat people

I live two blocks from the biggest city park in my town. The park has the city zoo, a running track, golf course, tennis and basketball courts. Everyone in my neighborhood seems to have a dog. Everyone. In fact, I think I know more of the dog names than their owners.

Because of my proximity to the park, there is a constant flow of dog walkers to and from the park. So, I am totally in a 'dog people' area.

I grew up with dogs, or one in particular. We got Doc when I was six years old and we definitely had the boy and his dog thing going. He was around until my second year in college, when I returned home. My parents divorced when I was a junior in high school and when I returned home my second semester, the family home was sold and I went to visit my mom in her new apartment. No Doc. When I asked my mom she actually said 'We thought you wouldn't notice'.

She had put him down over the winter, never told me. Un-freakin'-believable, she said he was sick, but I wonder if the new apartment just didn't accept pets. Obviously, my mom and I have issues. (Re-reading this I realize what a horrible story this is - man, oh man)

Since my wife and I have been together we've had cats. We've had some wonderful pets, so I guess I'm a confirmed cat person now. My daughter (#3) is away at graduate school (Pharmacy major) and has her cat 'Belle' and they both came home over the Thanksgiving break. It was great to see my daughter, but having Belle back in the house was a bonus. She's goofy and affectionate, and loves to be around her people. I caught myself a few times yesterday looking for Belle after my daughter went back 'home' to her apartment.

Of course, cats are superior house mates. You don't have to walk them, and they always do their business in the same place. Not as pliant as a dog, but I think cats are just as smart, just a lot more independent. And more than once I've seen my neighbors in the worst of weather out there walking their dogs. I just look out the window, and sip my coffee and think how much that must suck. I guess it would be different if I could just let the dog out in the yard, but we're in the city, just not do-able. And even if we had the yard fixed up for that the clean up would be a real drag.

We took daughter #3 to Wal-Mart (God, I hate that store) to pick up Christmas decorations for her apartment, and there were dozens of Christmas outfits there for dogs. My wife commented that there weren't any for cats.

That's because they'd have to come with a first aid kit. No way would any self-respecting cat sit still for that shit...
m.

Thanks

We don't go 'round the table and ask everyone what they are thankful for, something we just never did.

But since I've joined the Blogger thing...

First and foremost I'm thankful for my wife. I can't imagine what my life would look like if she hadn't been a part of everything I've done the last 25 years. She makes me laugh, shares her perspective on things, keeps me sane. I'm often astonished at her ability to see the plots and sub-plots of human interaction. For example, if I relate something going on at work, she will see it from a perspective that I had not thought of, and is usually proved right. This has proven to be an invaluable gift to me and has helped me to not get caught up in bullshit. I expect this ability is uniquely female, and guys out there should take the time and actually listen the women in their lives. She doesn't play games, doesn't keep score in arguments (past or present) and doesn't bitch (unless I've got it coming - I do have to fix the screen door). We have an amazing relationship and friendship and she still rocks my world after 25 years. I know how lucky we are - and I've not seen a marriage that works like ours anywhere.

Secondly, my children and grandkids. I am so proud of all of them. They've turned out to be good, strong, loving grown-ups. Grandkids are a great gig. All the fun without half of the worry! They don't need to be 'great successes' in the world, I just want them to be happy in whatever they do. It's amazing how different they've all turned out, a strange blend of both Patti and I, but again, I couldn't be prouder.

All the rest, to me anyway, are details. Without my family around me, all the wealth in the world couldn't make up for it....

Happy Thanksgiving all, take stock in what you have and try to see the goodness in each other!
And by all means, eat too much and fall asleep in front of the TV, it is Thanksgiving after all..
m.

'Tis the season

I saw a fully lit Christmas tree in someones home window on the way to work today.

No surprise that, I suppose. The retailers have had their Christmas stuff up for some weeks now and it seems to me that at this rate, Christmas in July won't be the novelty thing it was intended to be.

I love Christmas, it's always been a great time for my family and I. I don't decorate the outside of my house, no giant inflatable Santa displays or even lights. I like the lights, but jeez its a lot of work. And I live in Buffalo, it's cold here in the winter, it snows, sometimes quite a bit. Sometimes I rationalize that I should go out and put up some outdoor decorations, just some lights, wreaths that sort of thing. I don't want those twig reindeer or inflatable things, I really think they're kinda tacky. But obviously, I'm in the minority here, they are EVERYWHERE!

But then I think, once the holiday is over, I'll have to be out there. In January. In Buffalo. And it doesn't seem like such a great idea. When the kids were small they were always lobbying to get the tree up early and go nuts. I always held the line here. (bah, humbug - I know)

The tree goes up after Thanksgiving and comes down New Years. After Christmas day I want the tree down - like on the 26th! I don't know why, but other than the post Christmas return and sale shopping orgy that follows, I'm just done, ya know?

Patti and I were out at a few stores yesterday and after 3 stores with the same Christmas songs playing over and over - I just don't know. It's just such an assault now. It seems kinda forced.
Don't even get me started on the 'Happy Holiday/Merry Christmas' thing. It's Christmas, deal with it.

And how about Thanksgiving? How come we can say Happy Thanksgiving? How does the American Indian population view that holiday? Little prediction here - within 10 years this holiday will be called something else - something soft and safe and completely meaningless and impotent.

I want to participate in the spirit of these holidays, but not in the practice of it. And I don't think I'm alone here. But the only way I can see to do that is to pull back. To make Christmas a thing that just happens inside my own home. And I think something is lost there as a community, that shared experience, completely mowed over by the twisted PC Juggernaut it's become.

And it's hard for me to view the holidays and not feel a sense of some loss.
m.

Defining cool

I don't know if any of you saw this article:

http://www.ew.com/ew/article/0,,20159025,00.html

I'm not sure I trust Stephen King to be the arbiter of cool. I like him, I have read a ton of his books and I do think he's an amazing talent. I enjoyed the article, until the end, where he declared himself as cool. I don't think you can do that.

I don't think you can pronounce yourself as cool. In fact, if you do, I think it is un-cool. You either are, or you are not. Perhaps you are born with the cool gene. Some people (with the cool gene) grow into their cool and tap their cool potential. Others, are destined to be the AV geeks for life.

I was listening to 'Diamond Dogs' by David Bowie on the way to work this morning. David Bowie is, and will always be, cool. He's successfully reinvented himself for decades and still retains his cool. Madonna, on the other hand, has successfully reinvented herself over decades and, to me anyhow, is just a media whore. One man's opinion, I know, but I wouldn't describe her as cool.

I know a few cool people. They aren't rich or successful, but it's there, and I like hanging around what I think are cool people.

And there it is, if you are perceived as cool, you are.

So if you are a Star Wars nerd, living in your mom's basement and have the absolute best Darth Vader costume, someone out there thinks that you are cool. Like the geek character in Sixteen Candles being 'the king of the dipshits'.

There must be caste system of cool, a big fish, small pond kinda cool that provides total dorks out there with their very own kingdom of cool. Whether its the bowling alley, corner bar, work (don't even get me started - I'm in IT!), social groups, etc, - someone is cool - someone is the 'King of the dipshits'

Well, I guess we can't all be David Bowie, he's already got the gig...
m.

Fricken' meetings

I have about 5 hours worth of meetings in my schedule today.

And its not like I don't see the periodic need for these things. But mostly, I feel like I'm being held hostage by a terrorist group bent on boring us all to death. I mean, I'm numb from these things.

My current employer LOVES meetings. I think it give the owners the illusion of control and providing direction.

My last employer never had meetings. Everyone knew what they were tasked with doing and we did it. When I first got here I thought, geez this is cool, everyone is working together for the same goals. But at the end of the day, its just cheerleading. And I'm sure as any pro athelete will tell you, without those cheerleaders, they'd never take the field.

I'm a system type person. I like when things are working in a well oiled fashion, every part doing its job to get a job done. What it comes down to for me is understanding what exactly is your job, and doing it. Each person. So I guess I could get behind a meeting that was STFU and GBTW. We're all just trading hours of our lives for that paycheck. And I'm really ok with that.

Basically, throughout these next 5 hours, I'll be sitting around trying to figure out how I'm going to take care of customer issues on a compressed schedule for the rest of the day. And if I actually came away with something that would help me in my work, I think I might enjoy a good meeting.

But sadly, this is not the case. So I'll look forward to my last meeting of the day, where I pick up my wife, go home and chase her around the house.

Now THAT'S a meeting.
m.

Not that there's anything wrong with that...

I'm a guy and I cook. Got a problem with that?

I do all the cooking in the house, I like it, I'm a much better cook than my wife and it works for us.

This is one of those weird gender things that people seem to struggle with. The guys I know just don't get it. That's the wife's job, right. I've picked up a strange vibe from guys on this as well, like I've violated some 'man law' or something.

The women we know are always telling Patti how lucky she is that someone else is responsible for that job. I guess guys can grill food, no stigma there, so they can cook, as long as it's outside. (?)

I was the only guy at a recent Pampered Chef party that a friend of ours had. The hubby is my best guy friend, and we do things occasionally as couples. So I got the invite and Patti tagged along. This is the second time I've been the only guy at one of these things. (I was awarded the door prize at the first one, the woman had been selling the stuff for 7 years and NEVER had a man attend - like 'oh, you have a penis? Here's a nice gift!')

The chef's stuff is pretty nice (a bit pricey, but it's a home party - that's the way it works) and I have quite a few of the items/gadgets and I wanted to get a few more. So it was my wife and I and eight other women at the party. I totally dug it, although I suspect a few of the women would have preferred it was just women.

And there's something there. I think most men and women like to be in a room full of their own gender. Like at a party where the guys are in the living room, and the women all congregate in the kitchen. We just don't seem to work well into that, neither one of us.

I love to cook, I read cookbooks, watch Top Chef. And every week or so I'll try something new. My wife, on the other hand, hates to cook. She's happy with something that is easy and quick, even if it is crap. (i.e. boxed mac and cheese)

So we have 11 coming (so far) for Thanksgiving, and I'm gearing up for a whole days worth of cooking. And frankly, I'm looking forward to it.

Gotta decide on the pies...
mmmmm....pies.....
m.

Yeah, I guess that's how you could look at it

We must have 300 dvd's. We LOVE movies.

So last year we decided to go through our collection alphabetically.

Now on the surface, this is incredibly anal. But I have to admit it's been great fun. We've taken all the 'what do you feel like watching?' conversation away. We watch what is next.

We have a lot of different styles of movies. My wife gravitates toward what I call Twisted Human Wreckage movies (THW). Like 'Who's afraid of Virginia Wolf', anything by Tennessee Williams, the more fucked up their lives and interpersonal relationships - the better. I, however, have enough reality in my reality, if you know what I mean. I can enjoy some of the tougher stuff, but she actually prefers it. So when we would have that 'What do you feel like watching' conversation I would never pick the THW movies. I remember once on my birthday we watched 'Shadowlands'. Have you seen this thing? It's about C.S. Lewis (the great Christian apologist - The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe) and his terminally ill wife. I didn't know all that before watching it. I mean, it was a good movie, but holy shit what a tearjerker. Happy fricken' Birthday (sob!).

On the subject of tearjerkers:

So I'm surfing channels, looking at the guide and my wife's in the other room so I shout out to her...

Me: Hey baby, 'The Yearling', that's one of those tearjerkers right?
My Wife: 'It is if you want the animal to live'

True story.
m.

Make it stop!

I love music. I always have, I've been playing guitar since I was 10 years old in the church folk group. (Can I get a little Kumbuya?)

I'm a software developer, one of the cube dwellers, and I'm able to listen to music on headphones all day long. And often I do, I have my MP3 player, Yahoo internet radio, cds etc.

I don't even try to keep up with popular music anymore. I used to watch the Grammies and MTV Video awards, now I don't even know who the bands/artists (?) are. Like most people I prefer the music of my formative years. Or at least something of that particular sound, I guess. I didn't arrest in the classic rock era, although that seems to be the way of it. Travel to any city in America and you'll find the Classic rock station, replete with the crazy morning crew playing the exact same playlist they played when I was in high school. (I graduated in 1978, so the seventies was MY era, I suppose).

I gravitated to the punk/new wave scene in the late seventies/early eighties with bands like The Clash, The Jam, English Beat (love the ska stuff), Echo and the Bunnymen, XTC even early REM. Man, I loved REM in the eighties, saw them twice, great effin' band back then.

Often I get a song stuck in my head. This happens to my wife to and often there is no explaining how/why a particular song gets 'chosen'.

So this morning I have 'Separate Ways' by Journey stuck, (and I mean STUCK) in my head. I can't even remember the last time I heard this song but there it is. I mean, Journey is ok, but that isn't even one of their better songs.

So basically, the juke box in my head betrays me, and often.

Well, at least its not 'Dancing Queen'
m.

Broken

I remember seeing Dennis Miller on his old HBO show saying, I'm paraphrasing here, that when he was young, he wanted to change the world, and now that he was older, he looked around and just didn't see HOW to go about that.

Maybe every generation says it, but man things aren't looking too good for our heroes lately.

I imagine my parents in 1969, with the world in turmoil, riots in the streets etc.

It must have seemed like it was all falling apart.

I think this time it just might.

I paid 3.20/gallon this morning for gas, the subprime mortgage fiasco is coming home to roost, the war in Iraq, the very possible war with Iran, and really no real way out of any of it.

The world is interconnected now in a way that it wasn't before. Things that happen overseas have ripples here, and vice/versa. How are ya gonna fix that?

Where I live we have one of the most corrupt and inept local governments in New York state. New York state is one of the most corrupt and inept state governments. The federal government is totally self-serving and now gridlocked with the partisan bullshit. And the waste?, un-freakin-real.

Where ya gonna start? Really, how do you begin fixing something this screwed up?

I vote, and I take it seriously. Been doing it for years. Even when I vote for someone who promises some kind of 'plan' for reform, as soon as they're in, they prove themselves to be exactly the same old shit. (read - Elliot Spitzer).

It's not just the politics that scare me. People seem to be getting ruder, more aggressive and on the whole, dumber. (bad combination that) The gulf between the rich and not so much is wider.

We've lost our sense of neighborhood, community and nation.

We're broken, and I suspect we've lost the ability, and certainly the willingness, to work our way to something better, because that kind of change will cost us.

So I guess that's the question. Have we lost the ability to improve our society, or just lost the balls to do the hard things.

m.

Renting children

I have 5 kids. (3 girls, 2 boys) My youngest is going to be 23 on Christmas Eve this year, and that just doesn't seem possible.

When I was younger, I thought once they had all moved away (two left living in the house, my youngest daughter is away at grad school, my youngest son is doing his grad school work locally), I'd feel like I was done as a parent.

In a lot of ways, I worry more about them now that they're out in the world.

My wife is a very wise woman. When the kids were small she used to say that we were raising them to leave us. And it's true, we did do that. Our goal has always been to make grown-ups.

There is a shocking lack of grown-ups in the world. It seems my gender is far more guilty of that than women. I must know 5 different guys I would not characterize as grown ups. My kids however, qualify. They're not perfect to be sure, but they are adults, they act responsibly for the most part and take their lumps when they make mistakes. They have turned out to be good hearted, strong people and I'm very proud of all of them.

One of the hardest things for me is watching my kids struggle as adults. Hard things happen to everyone, whether it's self inflicted, or just the world being the world. Oh, they ask me advice and I offer it even more than they ask, but they are doing their own thing now. And as grown ups I have to respect their right to make their own decisions.

And there's the rub.

When I was in my early 20's I went through a messy divorce. I made a pile of bad decisions and my life was a train wreck back then. I did plenty that I'm not too proud of looking back on it. I had people offer me lots of advice through all that, and I heard very few of them. I was in control of my own destiny after all.

What I didn't know, but surely do now, is that I'll never be able to not feel the urge to protect those kids, even when it has stopped being my job to do so.

And its a hard and helpless thing to watch when you know what's coming and you can't spare them from it. Some things they just have to work out on their own.

It's surely not easy being a grown up.
m.

McGrumbles

I don't eat much fast food.

I used to have a job that required travel, anything within a 6 hour radius was driven, anything farther than that you could fly.

When I first started the job, I used to hit a lot of fast food drive thru to keep moving. If you've got a 6 hour trip ahead, you don't want to blow a half hour eating in the 'dining room'. But like most everything, you pay for it one way or another. I was so sick of the food after a short while I either didn't eat or sought out local diners or ANYTHING but fast food. (It was better to spend the time, than to be sickened for the rest of the trip!) Mostly the food is just bad, and frankly you don't want to be in a closed environment for 6 hours with what Morgan Spurlock termed 'the McGrumbles'.

Last night I took my wife to one of those in home jewelery parties at daughter #2's apartment. Time was a little tight and #2 needed a bunch of things, a card table, butter, mayo, chips, etc. so time was pretty tight. So we hit MacDonalds.

Like I said, we don't do that very often. It was one of those spanky new ones with the Kid's playland and the ridiculously large tables chairs. Have you seen one of these? The tables are 5 feet off of the floor with these huge benches or bar stool type seats. Is this to make the 'bigger folks' more comfortable? I mean, I'm 5' 4" tall, 145 lbs. I had to get a running start just to get into my seat.

Behind the counter was just bedlam, and it wasn't even that crowded. There were about 8 people in various 'lines' waiting to place orders. I ordered 'value meals' and the girl actually had to get the manager to take my order. The food was just terrible, stale rolls, overcooked fries.

I remember going to McD's as a kid and it seemed to be a model of efficiency. I mean, I was young but it seemed like everyone was on the ball, you ordered, and bang! The food arrived. A Henry Ford production line for food.

So there's the question. Am I experiencing fast food nostalgia? Or has this shit just gone downhill?

Gotta fly, I have to go deal with the revenge of the Big Mac Value meal, wish me luck...
m.

Strictly Ballroom

Watching the local TV news last night and there was an ad for a local Ballroom Dancing studio in town. It was terrifically bad, but the message was to 'get in the game and join the fun' kinda thing with some waaaay over the top women in makeup dancing with guys who are totally arrested in Bowie's thin white duke era clothing. It was so bad it was good, ya know.

I've never been a dancer. I went to catholic school for 9 years (K - 8th grade - yeah, that explains a lot) and back then (60-early 70's) the nuns were totally in control. We didn't have a gym, but we had gym class in the basement which mostly consisted of dodge ball and eraser hockey. (Eraser hockey was kicking a blackboard eraser into a goal made of a couple of chairs). I know a lot of the public school kids had dance class that was part of PE. So by the time I got to public high school I hadn't any dancing skills. I've been a guitarist since I was 10 years old and have a good sense of rhythm and timing, but no dancing experience. I remember going to a few high school dances and I was one of the nerds on the sidelines. It is here that I experienced 'dancing pressure'

I was way too uptight to just go out there and go for it. Asking a girl to dance seemed like a sure way to never be able to look her in the eye again. So, mostly I avoided the dances all together. Prom time came around and I could do the clutch and rock in a circle thing, but I wouldn't call it dancing. The dancing pressure continued and outside of a drunken party in college I never really 'went for it'. (I can almost experience a full on shudder remembering that night) My girlfriend in college was one of those disco bunny girls - loved to dance. I was a liability there. Big time.

My dad, however, is an amazing dancer. I remember going to a family wedding, with the aforementioned college girlfriend, first time I saw my dad cut the rug. He was unreal. He did it all polka, jitterbugs, the whole nine. I think my girlfriend danced with him half the night. I resigned myself to the fact that I just didn't get the dancing gene.

When disco swept the known universe I went totally punk/new wave. I played in a bunch of local bands, and went out 'dancing' every weekend. It wasn't really dancing though. It wasn't moshing exactly, but it wasn't dancing either.

When my wife Patti and I were first married, we decided to try ballroom dancing. We had a couple of family weddings coming up and I think we both thought it would be so very cool to go out there and really dance. So we signed up in our town's continuing education class. 12 weeks of Ballroom dance. Little background here - Patti was a rock and roll girl (huge Stones fan and had gotten into the Talking Heads and NY Dolls by the end of the 70's) Not much of a dancing background there either.

The class was taught by a 60ish Polish lady with orthopedic shoes and those stretch pants with the seam sewed in the front of them. We learned the Cha-Cha, Waltzes, Polkas, Jitterbugs, Tango, all the basic Ballroom stuff.

And we were just horrible.

But when the Polish lady grabbed either one of us, it was magic. She would take one of us to show us the steps and literally whip us around the floor. It was a miracle. I actually thought Holy Shit I can do this!!! Then when we were put back together, we were like mannequins. We practiced at home, did the prescribed steps, and we were absolutley abysmal. So after 12 weeks of the Dancing Polish lady hitting my hips saying 'loosen up, loosen up!' we gave it up. Even the Polish lady gave up on us. We were, to say the least, at the very bottom of our class.

The up side is there is no more social pressure to dance! Patti and I know we're hopeless, and I don't spend any time thinking that she's not having a good time at an event that has the dreaded dancing component. So that's a good thing. We still enjoy a good clutch and rock in a circle from time to time, but we both know that's as good as it'll get!

So I'll skip the dancing, thank you very much, and get straight to the passing out and hitting the ground like a sack of potatoes.
m.

I hate that

Have you ever been waiting in line at the bank or the grocery store and there is an annoying guy sighing and bobbing his head back and forth 'trying to see what the hold up' is? Yeah, well that's me. I'm not an asshole, but I can BE one.

Really, it's because I have no luck. Some people are lucky people. Daughter #2 is lucky, she's always winning stuff from radio station call-ins, door prizes at events, chinese auctions. But my wife and I, nothing.

We have Tim Horton's coffee up here. (A coffee/donut shop like Dunkin - only 10 times better!) You can't swing a cat without hitting another Timmy ho's franchise. And they are fan-freakin'-tastic. It's getting so I can't drive by one. (Coffee is my preferred caffene delivery system.) Anyway, once or twice a year they have a 'Rollup the rim to win' thing where you roll up the edge of the paper cup and there are prizes like a new tv or car and bazillions of free coffee. Nothing. Ever. (Not sure how I feel about returning a soggy coffee cup for a donut anyhow- the car or tv - yeah I'll do that)

So whenever I choose a line, even if it has the fewest number of people and/or people with fewer items, as soon as I join the line, it's over. Out of state check, really old lady with one of those squeezable coin things looking for exact change, bad credit or debit card, 15 items isn't a rule, just a guideline, etc...

So I'm off, shifting my weight from leg to leg, sighing and bobbing. And I hate that. I hate being that guy. My wife is convinced that this happens to me because I react so badly, like an object lesson gone wrong, time after time. Which, now that I think about it, makes me stupid AND and asshole.
You've been warned. If I'm in line ahead of you, just get in the next one, because bad checkout Karma is not a pretty sight.
m.

um, yeah, I can do this

Hello all,
I need a weekend for my weekend... way too much going on these days, and this 40 hour work week is just getting in the way. I've come to a place in my 'career' where I view my job as a means to an end. I trade hours of my life for a paycheck. Not that I don't take my job seriously, I do, I'm a software developer and really do work pretty hard at it. But not THAT hard if you know what I mean. I'm at an age (47) where I value my time with my wife and family far above anything I can do outside my house. In fact, I'm getting to the point where I'm having trouble accepting social obligations. Ya know, going to the in-laws, birthdays etc.
Now that the last two kids are in graduate school, and we're basically empty nesters, its gotten even worse. We're getting to the point where we just don't leave the house. Unless it's for food... or wine!
Is that bad?
m.