tick tock

Getting down to it. My son's wedding is tomorrow at 11 am.

Rehearsal and dinner tonight.

I saw son #2 last night and he's calm and collected. Doing a lot of last minute running around for the honeymoon etc.

I really feel good about this one. I'm sure everyone has been to a wedding where it's 'oh boy, I hope they're gonna be ok'. I know I have. And that's probably not very generous, but hey, it's the truth. Patti and I heard through the grapevine that we were given the obligatory 6 months. (23 + years later, HA!).

These two are a good match. And all of the cliches apply. I am gaining another daughter. I really like my (future) daughter in law and I feel she is going to make son #2 a better man. I believe in marriage and I know how the love of a good woman can make all the difference. She's strong where he's not and I think as long as he's listening, she will be a great help to him in his life and career.

Women see the world differently, they see plots and sub-plots of the world in situations that are somehow not obvious to men. That perspective has been a boon to me throughout my married life, and I'm often discussing stuff with Patti to hear what she thinks in just about every situation.

I know this because I lived it. I'm a better man today because of Patti. I can't imagine how different my life would be if she wasn't in it.

And I hold that hope for my son and his new wife.

m.

The Wedding March

Getting down to it. Son number two gets married next weekend.

The shower, stag and stagette (?) have come and gone. Today I have to go and get fitted for my tux. Tonight, Patti and I are going out looking at dresses. This mother of the bride stuff is a lot of pressure for Patti. She's not a 'girly' girl, if you know what I mean. She understands the social expectations, but she's doesn't really doesn't respond well to that sort of thing.

I don't either, for that matter. We both tend to view social obligations as a royal PITA. I mean, I got off easy with the tux. They even picked the shoes. We guys really do have it easier. With guys, it's like a uniform. A suit, a tux, a sport coat. Done. It's a LOT more complicated for Patti.

So it translates into a measurable amount of stress. So we'll do the thing and see what happens. When son #1 got married, we actually found 2 dresses that she liked. (it was like a freakin' miracle) Not to mention, shoes, accessories, undergarments for the chosen dress...
bleh...

Patti is a small women (we're like a miniature family - everyone is there - just smaller) and although she turns 50 this year, you'd never know it. Patti used to color her hair, now there is quite a bit of grey, but still she looks much younger. She looks fabulous. But there is the standard measure of female insecurity there too.

So, my part in this is somewhat delicate. I will have to navigate the 'does this make me look fat' conversations with great diplomacy. It's strange how even very attractive women get caught up in all that, and it can be a bit of a mine field for us guys - I would never want to hurt her feelings over a stupid dress that she'll probably wear once. For example, the dress just doesn't look good on her. Maybe it's the cut, the color, whatever. There's the rub. Communicate that carefully, my friends.

And the irony in all of it is that she has excellent taste and whatever she eventually buys will be flattering and tasteful for the occasion.

geez, this IS a PITA...
m.

Father's Day

Father's day started pretty early for me on Sunday.

We were watching grandson #3, and everything was going swimmingly. We had an excellent day with the boy and got him to bed without incident.

Then, things got weird.

About 12:30 am or so, he fell out of his bed. He's two years old and a couple of months and we have this toddler bed that fits him just fine. It's only a foot and a half off of the floor. Well, when he fell he landed right on his face. He cut his face just under his lip. At first, I thought he had driven his teeth right through, but he just tore up the inside of his lip pretty good and I was able to get the bleeding to stop. Poor kid looks like Jake Lamotta now though. Ok, Jake Lamotta with Pamela Anderson's lips!

He took a bit to settle down, and we were feeling like awful grandparents. Anyhow, we're just getting back to sleep and there was a crash of glass breaking.

It was hard to figure if it was inside or outside of the house. I ran downstairs and went out to the porch where I saw a car had jumped the curb, plowed a chunk of my lawn up and took out a sign. He was in the process of backing back onto the street, which he managed, but when he tried to leave, his front bumper was dragging under the car. So he did what we all of us would have done, he got out of the car, ripped the bumper from the car and threw it on my lawn and drove away.

This was about 1:30 am. So I went outside and checked things out. He'd left his grille, some headlights, lots of busted stuff and the bumper.

So I called 911 and let them know what had just happened. They asked if I had a description of the guy and I did, but really it wasn't much to go on. Then they asked if I got the license plate. Well, I did. It was still attached to the front bumper!!! The dispatcher said 'that'll make it easy to find him' and laughed. What a dumbass...

They told me to just wait and they'd send a cruiser over. About 1 1/2 hours later two female officers arrived and we did the report and they told me I could clean everything up.

So I cleaned up all the car parts, grass and dirt from my front lawn. I got to bed about 4 am.

I did manage a nap after my son in law picked up the boy, but I never really felt all that together for the rest of the day. The kids stopped by and wished me a Happy Father's day and Patti and I had a nice evening together.

Certainly, not your average Father's day!
m.

23 and counting

Patti and I have a couple of anniversaries. Patti can't remember them, she seems impaired somehow, strange trait in a woman. I often have to remind her that it's coming up and she never knows how many years. We have the living together anniversary, the sleeping together anniversary and the honest to God wedding anniversary.

That was yesterday, our actual wedding anniversary.

23 years married. More than my parents or grandparents managed, more than Patti's parents managed.

Pretty laid back as anniversary celebrations went.

We met the kids and toured that house on our street that was for sale. It's pretty hammered. Especially the downstairs apartment. And there is something very bad happening with the foundation. Someone is coming to check that out and get an estimate on it today.

We went back to our house, got some take out, watched 'Pretty in Pink' the everything Duckie edition (our next 'P' movie), and had some private anniversary fun.

We never were much on the celebrating thing. I remember, I think it was our 10th, we were going to get all dressed up and go 'out'. Maybe to a restaurant and drinks afterward. When it got to the big day, we bagged the whole thing, hit some fast food and chased each other around the house for a few hours.

And so it goes.

I'm not complaining at all. We'd much rather be home, and the rest seems like a lot of fuss! Works for us, ya know?

And I wouldn't change a thing, I can't imagine my life without Patti in it, and I know I'm a better man for being with her!

I don't know everything, but I know what a gift she's been to me.

I am one lucky man.
m.

the 'what-ifs'

I'm having a big case of the 'what ifs' lately. I'm prone to this sort of thing.

I think it's my way of trying to control my life. I'm not a control freak (I don't think), but I spend a lot of mental energy on trying to figure out 'what if this happens, how will I respond?'. 'What if my little biz takes off?'

A house went up for sale in my neighborhood last week. A double (3 bedrooms up, 3 down) Patti and I have been sorta looking at doubles for my kids. Now one came up about 10 houses away. It's waaaay under market value and we can't even tour it until tomorrow. We have an appt. at 5pm.

Here's the plan. Daughter #1 and the grandkids in the lower, Son #2 and his new wife (wedding on the 28th) in the upper. That would just be amazing. Sure, we'd charge them rent, but it would be lower than they are both paying now and they'd have a much bigger place.

What if we get it? What if it's too hammered? What if the inspection turns up something bad?

I mean, I'm working overtime on this these days. I only have to wait one day, but it's hard for me not to get a bit carried away.

Daughter #1's marriage is dissolving, she needs the help, plus our grandkids would be right down the block! My son is in graduate school and has at least two years left. He's all excited to have a whole new yard to landscape! (He completely re-landscaped my entire front yard - we won awards and were placed on the Buffalo Garden walk!)

So, lots of what ifs. It can drive a guy nuts...
m.

If it was easy, everybody would do it

My daughter's marriage is coming apart.

It's been coming for a while. You can only go to the brink so many times before you drop over the edge, ya know? They've been together over 5 years, (one son together) and he's bailing out.

Tough stuff this marriage stuff. My daughter has said to my wife that she 'wants what you and dad have'. And I get that, I do.

And Patti and I do have a terrific relationship, I am one lucky short bald guy and I know it. Our relationship is a marvel even to me, and I'm in it!

I know what we overcame to get here, and trust me our first 10 years or so were very tough. But not with/on each other. The world was tough on us, some of it self inflicted, some of it pressed on us. And we, at a very young age (23, and 25 - older woman - gotta love it!), were tested in a way most couples are not.

And I think it served to galvanize us. We had to fight together to survive our early years of no money and tough family situations. And it made our marriage resilient.

Marriage isn't for the weak of heart. It's a job for grown-ups.

It's about putting yourself down on the list a bit. It's about waiting for what you want, so your wife and kids get what they want. It's about giving up on what you want for your wife and kids needs, and accepting the sacrifice for the greater good (without all the resentment). And Patti has reciprocated in kind. (how awesome is that!)

Oversimplified? I don't think so. Easy? Not in my experience.

like I said, if it was easy, everybody would do it!
m.