I have 5 kids. (3 girls, 2 boys) My youngest is going to be 23 on Christmas Eve this year, and that just doesn't seem possible.
When I was younger, I thought once they had all moved away (two left living in the house, my youngest daughter is away at grad school, my youngest son is doing his grad school work locally), I'd feel like I was done as a parent.
In a lot of ways, I worry more about them now that they're out in the world.
My wife is a very wise woman. When the kids were small she used to say that we were raising them to leave us. And it's true, we did do that. Our goal has always been to make grown-ups.
There is a shocking lack of grown-ups in the world. It seems my gender is far more guilty of that than women. I must know 5 different guys I would not characterize as grown ups. My kids however, qualify. They're not perfect to be sure, but they are adults, they act responsibly for the most part and take their lumps when they make mistakes. They have turned out to be good hearted, strong people and I'm very proud of all of them.
One of the hardest things for me is watching my kids struggle as adults. Hard things happen to everyone, whether it's self inflicted, or just the world being the world. Oh, they ask me advice and I offer it even more than they ask, but they are doing their own thing now. And as grown ups I have to respect their right to make their own decisions.
And there's the rub.
When I was in my early 20's I went through a messy divorce. I made a pile of bad decisions and my life was a train wreck back then. I did plenty that I'm not too proud of looking back on it. I had people offer me lots of advice through all that, and I heard very few of them. I was in control of my own destiny after all.
What I didn't know, but surely do now, is that I'll never be able to not feel the urge to protect those kids, even when it has stopped being my job to do so.
And its a hard and helpless thing to watch when you know what's coming and you can't spare them from it. Some things they just have to work out on their own.
It's surely not easy being a grown up.
m.
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2 comments:
I don't like being a grown up. In fact, I hate it at times. But we do what we must.
I think we all do the best we can and hope it sticks with our kids. My oldest daughter (25) finally realized that I wasn't the devil several years ago. That's always a rewarding moment. When they "get" why you did a lot of the stuff you did and said a lot of the stuff you said.
I think it's wonderful how much you respect your wife and her abilities. Being a grown up is tough, but being one with someone you love makes it a little easier.
my wife is amazing! I would be lost without her...
m.
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