Game on

As some of you know, we've had weekly family breakfasts for over a year now. On saturday mornings my kids and grandkids all come over to the house (and sometimes special guests) for breakfast. We've had as many as 14 for this gathering...

A quick aside....

My daughter's (#1) marriage has broken up, my son-in-law already has a new girlfriend - someone he met at work. Now of course, there were all of the assurances that this woman had nothing to do with the breakup, but I was born at night, not last night. But whatever.

Things weren't going very well for them for some time, so I don't view it with anything but some sadness. I do however, think my daughter will be better for it, as well as the grandkids.

So, daughter #1 and the grandkids are moving back into my house. And it's been an adjustment for Patti and I, we were empty nesters for about 6 months or so. And we were good at it!

But it's pretty cool having our daughter and the grandkids around - good kids all! But I digress...

We suspended the weekly breakfasts for the month of October so Patti and I could get the house ready. Moving our office (nice while it lasted) and making it the kids room, and converting our guest room into a room for our daughter. Plus the actual moving of all her crap!

So this saturday is the return of the weekly breakfast. And this news was received pretty enthusiastically by all.

I miss the breakfasts, they are a lot of work for me (the cook!), but I really don't mind. It really has changed our family dynamic. We're all much closer and meeting every week, just for an hour or so, it has really made a difference.

I hope most of you can conjure up an excellent family time, perhaps over Thanksgiving or Christmas dinners. Well, that's what it's like for us. A lot of laughing, talking, the kids running around - good stuff. The best part is we don't have to wait a whole year in between!

Two stratas on deck for saturday - (kinda like a casserole) plus fresh fruit (always!), juice and coffee....
mmmmmmm.... breakfast......
m.

fear and loathing in the U.S.

I've thought for a long while now that the media's #1 mission has been to scare the shit out of us. Michael Moore's 'Bowling for Columbine' had quite a bit of insight on this phenomenon.

Now I can't stand Michael Moore, he is the worst kind of liberal douche bag, but he makes a valid point. Keep us scared and watching that tv for the latest idol.

And the fear being expressed both by Wall Street and our government is palpable. It all comes down to trusting their assessment of the situation.

I'm no economist, I would never profess to understand the underpinnings of our economy, let alone a global one.

So, where does that leave us?

The way I see it, it'll go one of two ways. We'll be hurt, a lot of people will suffer, but we'll continue on much the same way. Or, 2, the whole house of cards comes down.

Now, choice 2 is a scary proposition, and really, no one wants that, even if it is our comeuppance for our sins. (as an aside, yes OUR sins - yes, the banks acted in a predatory manner for their own gain, but a lot of people signed on the dotted line for those loans - there was greed all the way down the food chain)

So what if #2 becomes reality? I could worry at that for days, but really what can I do about it? Is there something I can do to affect the situation one way or the other? I can't think of anything.

I, for one, refuse to live in fear. Yes, I'll do what I've got to do to protect and provide my family, but I'm not going to make myself sick worrying about it.

Life is a messy business and challenges and threats to our well being come from everywhere, from troubles with your spouse and kids, your job etc. Now it's coming from a place we can't get our heads around, least I can't, and it seems to me the 'experts' don't know either.

What this boils down to is a threat to our lifestyles, not our lives. There is a lot of good in our families and communities, perhaps now we'll focus and nurture those things. It's time to help each other, our neighbors, our communities our towns and cities.

It's time for us to bail our government out, not because they deserve it, but because we do. The government has lost it's heart and soul and we as a people need to give it a bailout of a different kind. It's time to serve each other not for personal gain, but for each other - for the greater good that is this nation. The government has lost it's heart - we need to give it some of ours.

I believe we can make our lives richer than our possessions, but only if we remember who we are and what we are - husbands, wives, families, communities and especially- Americans.

The rest is just stuff.
m.

ok, I've had better moments

Rough night last night.

Ol' Ike rolled through the night before last and we had some damage on the 100 year old tree in front of my house. A couple of branches came down, including one that got caught up in other branches on its way down.

Now I like to think I'm a reasonably intelligent guy. I'm a system analyst, I write code all day long in a cubicle.

But dumbassery plauges us all, and last night I proved that point.

The branch that was caught up, was (of course), just out of my grasp. I'm 5'4" tall, so most of them are out of my grasp.! So I got a step ladder. Not a big one, maybe a 5 footer or so. And I still couldn't reach it. So, I got a rake, thinking I just need to hook it over the branch and break it
free. But it wouldn't budge! It had really wedged itself in the other branches.

So I was out there, 3 steps or so up the ladder pulling on the rake that I had caught the fallen branch on. That thing was caught up good, so during the pulling and shaking, I had gotten it to move a bit, 'one more pull ought to do it'....

The branch rebounded, pulling me off of the ladder and we all went tumbling down. (I fought the tree, and the tree won!) Me, the ladder, and the rake. (the branch is STILL there). The ladder was on my front sidewalk, I had kicked that to the right, the rake and I went down together. I landed awkwardly on my left wrist, but I got right up and commenced pulling on it some more.

Then it started to hurt and I figured that was enough for one night. I mean, how stupid was that? The only thing I could have done worse was to wear rollerblades while attempting all that. Pretty stupid move for a 'smart' guy.

I went in the house, and took stock. After about 15 minutes or so, I had a golf ball size lump on the back of my forearm and my left hand was really aching.

Off to the emergency room for x-rays! I was pretty sure I broke or at least fractured something. After only about 2 1/2 hours I was done. No break but a sizable 'hemotoma' on my forearm.

Really, it looks a LOT better this morning than last night. I iced it down three times (per the emer. room dr.) and the swelling is greatly reduced. Pretty sore today though....

My kids laughed their asses off! And everytime Patti told one of the kids, they were aghast at dad's stupidity.

Patti ALWAYS laughs when I get hurt. (especially self-inflicted stupidity!) It's a nervous kind of laughter and always is curious to me. The worse I'm hurt, the harder she laughs. She was pretty shook up - she actually saw me fall. She didn't laugh then, but when I showed her my forearm she started to giggle.

Actually, I can use that to gauge the seriousness of injuries. The harder she laughs, the more I should be concerned I guess....

The kids got a pretty good laugh out of it all and I'm a bit embarrassed and sore.

But it could have been much, much worse.

Consider me humbled!
m.

Confessions of an old concert goer

On thursday's every summer my most excellent home town, Buffalo, NY has 'Thursday in the Square'.

For the last 22 years there have been free concerts in one of the city squares downtown.

I haven't gone down to one of these in quite a few years. Firstly, you're likely to stand for the event, which is cool, but you have to get there early if you'd like a place near the bandstand, so you're looking at 5 hours worth or so. I tend to see bands now where I'm sure I can get a seat, I think my 'festival seating' days are over. Secondly, there really haven't had anyone come to the series that I HAD to see.

Now I love to see live bands, always have. I've played in bands since I was 19, and had the good fortune of hooking up with some talented, creative people over the years. I played every bar in this town that hosted bands. (as well as Toronto, Rochester, and NYC)

I was never in a cover or wedding band, always original music which is fun, challenging and really suits me as a player. I was never uber talented, I just worked hard at it, and at the end of the day I think I'm a really good rhythm (I spelled that about 40 times wrong, btw...) guitar player. I can play simple lead stuff, but I will never be a 'shredder', but I digress.

Last night Patti and I made the trip down to see Big Head Todd and the Monsters.

BHTM has never really made it big, but they're a really solid working band. They were on the big list of bands we like that we never got to see and we've been fans since the early '90's. The last time they came to Buffalo, they were part of a street festival thing with a bunch of bands. You know, one of those all day things. Anyhow, we passed on it then, so when we had a chance to see them - for free no less - we did the thing. (based in Colorado, they don't make it east all that much...)

I think it's been 3 - 5 years since we checked out a concert in the square (Amiee Mann or Ben Folds - not sure of the chronology - both AMAZING btw). We got there early and actually found a place along a stone wall to sit!!! (ok, stone wall - not super comfortable, but better than standing). The first thing I noticed was 2 block long beer tents! There have been some changes. They always served beer, but this was mass production beer for the masses. There are also tents selling pizza, beef on weck, etc.

The crowd trended a bit older than I expected, and by the end of it there were a LOT of drunken people there. I was kinda surprised at how many. We had a pretty good fight happen right behind us (over a girl/woman) and a couple of falling down drunks escorted by security. It looked to me that for a good percentage of the attendees that the beer was what brought them downtown. And beer up they did. I don't mind a few cokes myself, but I find the slurring/staggering drunk thing unpleasant, and there were more than a few....

Anyhow...

The crowd was pretty thin up until the end of the opening act (they were given a glowing review in the paper this morning - I expect the reviewer had been in the beer tent). They were a blues outfit, but I didn't think they were anything special. The lead singer/guitar player tuned (audibly) between EVERY SONG!!! (sometimes during!) Drove me up a wall. (Geez man, get a tuner that mutes so we don't have to hear you plinkin' away)

Big Head Todd threw down a really great show. You can tell when a band has been playing together for a long time. Very tight, very good band. They totally deliver. We're fans so we knew nearly every song and they did a great job. Go see these guys if you can - good fun.

I'm draggin' ass a bit today, in a good way....
m.

kitchen gadgets

As some of you know, I'm the cook in the house. Patti just doesn't like to cook, and I quite enjoy it.

I've done all the cooking since we've been together (25 years now).

Being a guy, I have tool acquisition syndrome. This spills into my kitchen stuff.

First, a few prerequisites.

1) Easy to store.
Especially if it is a minor appliance or something I'm not going to use too often.
2) Easy to clean. We've NEVER had a dishwasher. (I am the dishwasher, although Patti helps with this periodically).
3) Useful in a daily sort of way.
Not everything I've got fits in this category. My mortar and pestle for instance. I don't use it super often, but when you need one, there is no substitute.

I have a couple of favorites:
1) Bagel guillotine. Amazing product. I think the first time I saw one was on TV (the OC I think - my wife and daughter #3 were fans). If you do the bagel thang, it's a must have. Bagels are a Sunday morning thing at the house. I run to Manhattan Bagel - best in Buffalo - and pick up a 1/2 dozen (or so). The guillotine is getting kinda old now though. It's becoming more of a bagel folder than a guillotine these days.
2) Pampered Chef's Cheese grater. Comes with a soft and hard cheese 'wheel'. I'm surprised just how often I use this thing. I've had it for years and I probably use it several times a week.
3) Flexible spatula. It took me a while to find this, (Ikea!), but a spatula that is thin and flexes. Perfect for turning eggs.
4) Pampered Chef's Garlic press - We LOVE garlic. This is an excellent press with a cleaning tool. (If you've ever left one sit before you get to cleaning it, you know what a pain getting these clean is...)
5) Not a 'gadget' per se, but my All-Clad cookware. I lusted after a set of these for at least a decade. They are expensive, but totally worth it. I've had them for nearly two years and often I think how they make a difference. I have the plain aluminum, I don't like non-stick cookware...
6) My cast iron skillet. Heavy mo fo but 'the' tool for the job when making home fries or potatoes anna (holy crap these are excellent!!!) - sometimes old school is the best.


m.

counting it down again

ok, just 3 and 1/2 days left...

And another week of vacation is here!!! whooohoooo!!!!!

Yes, I know, I just had one. (like a month ago)

And I worked my ass off.

This one, is just for fun. We're gonna do what we want, when we want. Or not. Patti and I are really good at doing very little! Patti can be reading, I'll be puttering around the house. It works for us.

We are watching the grandkids for a couple days, shouldn't be a big deal. Daughter #1 is going to North Carolina to visit some friends. Other than a couple of little projects (self imposed and if they get blown off it'll be no surprise)

I want to build a mirror for our upstairs hall. I've considered using maple, but I think I'm going to go with oak or mahogany. Simple clean design, shaker-ish. Both would look good, it kinda depends on how dark Patti wants the finished product.

But that's really it.

Daughter #3 returns to school for another year of pharmacy grad school. (2 of 4)I think she misses her friends and her apartment. And I think she really enjoys living alone. It's been really nice having her around, and we'll miss and worry about her when she leaves, but it's what she needs to do. Next year this time, she'll be half way through, one more year academics, 1 year internship/rotations. Then she'll be out in the world a PharmD. Man, I am so proud of that kid.

ah, summer....
m.

so that makes me...

My eldest gransdon turns 8 this friday. Eight! Holy shit!!!

It's times like these how early Patti and I started our family. When we went to my 20th HS reunion, we had all high school age kids. Mostly, there were toddlers to 7/8 year olds everywhere. Seemed strange then, seems strange now.

He presented us with a list of items he wants for his birthday last saturday. I didn't total it up, but it is easily in the $1000.00 + range.

But that's cool. It's a good thing to know what you want I guess. This is the same grandson that asked for an iPhone last Christmas.

He's very tuned into pop culture. Watches waaaaaaay too much TV and is a bit of a class clown. It makes sense to me that he'd like to live on the bleeding edge of technology. I think he sees (as many people do, not just kids) that owning the latest gadget gives you some cache. He's kinda arty, not very sporty. He plays soccer, Patti and I went to a recent game, but his heart isn't in it. He's remarkably like my son #2, who is finishing his masters this school year in conducting. He's very popular at school and has a bit of his mom's free spirit in him. I like him a lot (of course, I love him too, but I like who he is, ya know?)

Surprisingly, he hasn't got the cell phone yet, but it's only a matter of time. I went to a taco joint for lunch yesterday and there were a couple of kids in there that couldn't have been older than 8 or so and they both had cell phones. Weird.

Our saturday breakfast is going to be a birthday celebration for him, with presentation of the 'big gift'. Should be a lot of fun!

So happy birthday grandson #1!!!!

m.

ok, let's do that again

1st day back from vacation. Man, I needed some vacation.

It occurred to me that it had been nearly 52 weeks since we had a week off. I was feeling a bit ragged going into vacation, so I guess that explains it. I tend to compartmentalize my work life from my home life, and lately the work life seemed to be my only life.

Vacation helped. We did a lot around the house. Totally re-painted my living room. When we bought our house 5 years ago, we painted the entire 2nd floor where the bedrooms are. Last year we completed the hall and stairs to the second floor and did the dining room. The walls in the entire downstairs were all white. Now, white is ok, but we sure didn't like it. We continued the color scheme from the hall all around the living room. HUGE difference. It doesn't even look the same. We were able for the first time to set up our new Danish Modern living room stuff in the newly painted room. I'll try to post some pics, I've got to hang some pictures and a couple minor things, but it's done!!!!

We did manage to knock off every day by 2 or so in the afternoon, so there was plenty of play time as well. And play we did.

This working for a living thing really cuts into your free time!

m.

makes ya shake your head....

My son and his new wife arrived back from their honeymoon to discover their apartment had been broken into. Now, as bad as that is, it could have gone much worse. They lost an X-Box, a bunch of games, a laptop (brand new) and a bunch of dvd's. They bad guys crowbar'd the door open.

My son's new mother-in-law was supposed to go and drop off all of the wedding gifts while they were gone, but just didn't get around to it. Thank God for that.

Interestingly, the apartment super had a crew in there replacing windows while they were gone. My son is convinced they saw stuff they wanted, and then one of the crew came back and took what they wanted. Could be, there are cameras all over (it's a high rise 8 floors with bunches of apartments on each floor), and the owner says they've got nothing on camera.

Fortunately, my son has a friend in the police force and he's looking out to see if they can get something done. I've gotten robbed once, never heard another thing from the police. And I get that, I mean, my stuff is small potatoes in the big picture. Still sucks though.

It seems to me these days that evil flourishes. Nice guys finish last.

So where does that leave the good people? Are we just to be fodder for the evil do-ers? Or, do we turn in to the back stabbing pricks that seem to have it all their way these days? It makes me feel impotent, and a bit foolish, to expect people to behave in a civilized manner anymore.

There is no accountability (I really hate that word, but it fits).

Seems to me people do whatever they 'need' to do to get what they want - illegal, immoral or otherwise, and there is no justice, no comeuppance. There is no Kharma, evil wins.

Recent example from my home town. A principal of a high school here illegally suspended a senior for nearly two months, without true cause. (there were allegations that she wore a hoody to school and used her cell phone while at school) There was media coverage, special investigations, board meetings both public and private. This principal has a history of running that school like her own little fiefdom, running teachers right out of the school if she had a mind to.

After months of investigations, the principal was found to be 'in the wrong', but because of protection from the union and the district, was not disciplined. At all. Nothing.

So what is the moral of that story?

Look, I know I'm being a real bummer here, but how are we to teach our children and young people (or grown ups if you can find one) the right thing to do , when the wrong thing will get you farther? How do we teach that doing wrong - IS wrong - when they get exactly the results they want without any consequence?

(Hey, OJ how's that golf game? Hey Enron execs, how your villa in Florence doing?)

I know I can be a cynical prick sometimes (really I do), but I want so badly to believe in the goodness of people, despite the evidence to the contrary. I try to do the right thing, and even if lying, cheating, stealing could get me what I want, I couldn't live with myself. (Lord knows I'm not perfect, but I'm tryin')

So, there it is.
Maybe it's just me.
Maybe I just have an overdeveloped sense of justice,
Maybe I'm out of touch.

Could be.

Still feels wrong to me and I don't know what to do with it.
m.

Ouch!

Well, the plumbing adventure continues...

I've got the quotes on what we need done and man, it's a LOT of money.

Phase one, broken drain in the floor. This only handles the kitchen sink and the stationary tub/washer. They were snaking the drain and hit dirt! Bad sign that. Anyhow, the boys from the plumber's were in yesterday and here's where we're at.

Big pile of kinda stinky dirt in the middle of the floor, and partially completed repair. Things kinda snowballed on the guys (Adrian and Morgan - really good guys), and they couldn't finish.

The good news is we still could shower, use the toilets (whew!), just no kitchen sink, and no laundry. They're supposed to be here at 9 to finish the job, then I've got one heck of a cleanup ahead.

That's the cheaper job. Phase 2 is replacing the sewer from the stack to the vent in the yard. HOLY SHIT that's expensive.

I'm still reeling a bit...

On the good side, one more week of work after today and vacation!!!! (do the vacation dance wherever you are!)

Man, I need that. So does Patti. We're doing veranda beach and I'm thrilled about it. We're going to paint our living room, and really kept it pretty open ended from there.

And that's nice in a way too. We've had a lot of vacations (especially when the kids were small) where we came home more exhausted than when we left!

I'm really looking forward to a whole week with Patti, just hanging out, drinking wine and chasing each other 'round the house!

Have a good one and may the plumbing gods look kindly on you!
m.

miscellany

I heard from my son on his honeymoon. (is that weird?) He called me to let me know they are there ok and give me an update on how amazingly cool the cruise ship is, and get my Dad's number in Florida so they can visit after the cruise. They'll be snorkeling, dolphin swimming, rock climbing and roller blading. I was exhausted just listening to the itinerary.

The wedding went very, very well. The kids looked really, really happy. The wedding was at 11 with a reception immediately following. Which was amazing. I hate when there are hours in between. We were home by 4:30 and the kids boarded a plane at 6:45 to begin their honeymoon.
Really very well done, the kids handled themselves with great grace and I was so very proud of both of them.

Another cool thing. I saw my 2 year old grandson out on the dance floor. He did the cha-cha slide with his mom. It was effing priceless. YMCA was great too. He was stomping, jumping and raising his hands it was brilliant.

Had some plumbing fun yesterday. And things snowballed from there. Right now we're facing the breaking up of our basement floor, replacement of a floor drain and a broken pipe, and the re-doing of our sewer run to the street. I'm waiting on the estimate, this is gonna hurt!

Pants. Does that denote the whole garment? Or just a leg's worth. If you need a new 'pair' of pants it describes both legs right? There is a 'pant leg', is that half of pants? Just curious.

Thongs. I love 'em, Patti hates 'em. I don't know what I like better. The look of them, or the thought of them under a garment. Just sayin'.

Hail, Hail the long weekend baby!
m.

tick tock

Getting down to it. My son's wedding is tomorrow at 11 am.

Rehearsal and dinner tonight.

I saw son #2 last night and he's calm and collected. Doing a lot of last minute running around for the honeymoon etc.

I really feel good about this one. I'm sure everyone has been to a wedding where it's 'oh boy, I hope they're gonna be ok'. I know I have. And that's probably not very generous, but hey, it's the truth. Patti and I heard through the grapevine that we were given the obligatory 6 months. (23 + years later, HA!).

These two are a good match. And all of the cliches apply. I am gaining another daughter. I really like my (future) daughter in law and I feel she is going to make son #2 a better man. I believe in marriage and I know how the love of a good woman can make all the difference. She's strong where he's not and I think as long as he's listening, she will be a great help to him in his life and career.

Women see the world differently, they see plots and sub-plots of the world in situations that are somehow not obvious to men. That perspective has been a boon to me throughout my married life, and I'm often discussing stuff with Patti to hear what she thinks in just about every situation.

I know this because I lived it. I'm a better man today because of Patti. I can't imagine how different my life would be if she wasn't in it.

And I hold that hope for my son and his new wife.

m.

The Wedding March

Getting down to it. Son number two gets married next weekend.

The shower, stag and stagette (?) have come and gone. Today I have to go and get fitted for my tux. Tonight, Patti and I are going out looking at dresses. This mother of the bride stuff is a lot of pressure for Patti. She's not a 'girly' girl, if you know what I mean. She understands the social expectations, but she's doesn't really doesn't respond well to that sort of thing.

I don't either, for that matter. We both tend to view social obligations as a royal PITA. I mean, I got off easy with the tux. They even picked the shoes. We guys really do have it easier. With guys, it's like a uniform. A suit, a tux, a sport coat. Done. It's a LOT more complicated for Patti.

So it translates into a measurable amount of stress. So we'll do the thing and see what happens. When son #1 got married, we actually found 2 dresses that she liked. (it was like a freakin' miracle) Not to mention, shoes, accessories, undergarments for the chosen dress...
bleh...

Patti is a small women (we're like a miniature family - everyone is there - just smaller) and although she turns 50 this year, you'd never know it. Patti used to color her hair, now there is quite a bit of grey, but still she looks much younger. She looks fabulous. But there is the standard measure of female insecurity there too.

So, my part in this is somewhat delicate. I will have to navigate the 'does this make me look fat' conversations with great diplomacy. It's strange how even very attractive women get caught up in all that, and it can be a bit of a mine field for us guys - I would never want to hurt her feelings over a stupid dress that she'll probably wear once. For example, the dress just doesn't look good on her. Maybe it's the cut, the color, whatever. There's the rub. Communicate that carefully, my friends.

And the irony in all of it is that she has excellent taste and whatever she eventually buys will be flattering and tasteful for the occasion.

geez, this IS a PITA...
m.

Father's Day

Father's day started pretty early for me on Sunday.

We were watching grandson #3, and everything was going swimmingly. We had an excellent day with the boy and got him to bed without incident.

Then, things got weird.

About 12:30 am or so, he fell out of his bed. He's two years old and a couple of months and we have this toddler bed that fits him just fine. It's only a foot and a half off of the floor. Well, when he fell he landed right on his face. He cut his face just under his lip. At first, I thought he had driven his teeth right through, but he just tore up the inside of his lip pretty good and I was able to get the bleeding to stop. Poor kid looks like Jake Lamotta now though. Ok, Jake Lamotta with Pamela Anderson's lips!

He took a bit to settle down, and we were feeling like awful grandparents. Anyhow, we're just getting back to sleep and there was a crash of glass breaking.

It was hard to figure if it was inside or outside of the house. I ran downstairs and went out to the porch where I saw a car had jumped the curb, plowed a chunk of my lawn up and took out a sign. He was in the process of backing back onto the street, which he managed, but when he tried to leave, his front bumper was dragging under the car. So he did what we all of us would have done, he got out of the car, ripped the bumper from the car and threw it on my lawn and drove away.

This was about 1:30 am. So I went outside and checked things out. He'd left his grille, some headlights, lots of busted stuff and the bumper.

So I called 911 and let them know what had just happened. They asked if I had a description of the guy and I did, but really it wasn't much to go on. Then they asked if I got the license plate. Well, I did. It was still attached to the front bumper!!! The dispatcher said 'that'll make it easy to find him' and laughed. What a dumbass...

They told me to just wait and they'd send a cruiser over. About 1 1/2 hours later two female officers arrived and we did the report and they told me I could clean everything up.

So I cleaned up all the car parts, grass and dirt from my front lawn. I got to bed about 4 am.

I did manage a nap after my son in law picked up the boy, but I never really felt all that together for the rest of the day. The kids stopped by and wished me a Happy Father's day and Patti and I had a nice evening together.

Certainly, not your average Father's day!
m.

23 and counting

Patti and I have a couple of anniversaries. Patti can't remember them, she seems impaired somehow, strange trait in a woman. I often have to remind her that it's coming up and she never knows how many years. We have the living together anniversary, the sleeping together anniversary and the honest to God wedding anniversary.

That was yesterday, our actual wedding anniversary.

23 years married. More than my parents or grandparents managed, more than Patti's parents managed.

Pretty laid back as anniversary celebrations went.

We met the kids and toured that house on our street that was for sale. It's pretty hammered. Especially the downstairs apartment. And there is something very bad happening with the foundation. Someone is coming to check that out and get an estimate on it today.

We went back to our house, got some take out, watched 'Pretty in Pink' the everything Duckie edition (our next 'P' movie), and had some private anniversary fun.

We never were much on the celebrating thing. I remember, I think it was our 10th, we were going to get all dressed up and go 'out'. Maybe to a restaurant and drinks afterward. When it got to the big day, we bagged the whole thing, hit some fast food and chased each other around the house for a few hours.

And so it goes.

I'm not complaining at all. We'd much rather be home, and the rest seems like a lot of fuss! Works for us, ya know?

And I wouldn't change a thing, I can't imagine my life without Patti in it, and I know I'm a better man for being with her!

I don't know everything, but I know what a gift she's been to me.

I am one lucky man.
m.

the 'what-ifs'

I'm having a big case of the 'what ifs' lately. I'm prone to this sort of thing.

I think it's my way of trying to control my life. I'm not a control freak (I don't think), but I spend a lot of mental energy on trying to figure out 'what if this happens, how will I respond?'. 'What if my little biz takes off?'

A house went up for sale in my neighborhood last week. A double (3 bedrooms up, 3 down) Patti and I have been sorta looking at doubles for my kids. Now one came up about 10 houses away. It's waaaay under market value and we can't even tour it until tomorrow. We have an appt. at 5pm.

Here's the plan. Daughter #1 and the grandkids in the lower, Son #2 and his new wife (wedding on the 28th) in the upper. That would just be amazing. Sure, we'd charge them rent, but it would be lower than they are both paying now and they'd have a much bigger place.

What if we get it? What if it's too hammered? What if the inspection turns up something bad?

I mean, I'm working overtime on this these days. I only have to wait one day, but it's hard for me not to get a bit carried away.

Daughter #1's marriage is dissolving, she needs the help, plus our grandkids would be right down the block! My son is in graduate school and has at least two years left. He's all excited to have a whole new yard to landscape! (He completely re-landscaped my entire front yard - we won awards and were placed on the Buffalo Garden walk!)

So, lots of what ifs. It can drive a guy nuts...
m.

If it was easy, everybody would do it

My daughter's marriage is coming apart.

It's been coming for a while. You can only go to the brink so many times before you drop over the edge, ya know? They've been together over 5 years, (one son together) and he's bailing out.

Tough stuff this marriage stuff. My daughter has said to my wife that she 'wants what you and dad have'. And I get that, I do.

And Patti and I do have a terrific relationship, I am one lucky short bald guy and I know it. Our relationship is a marvel even to me, and I'm in it!

I know what we overcame to get here, and trust me our first 10 years or so were very tough. But not with/on each other. The world was tough on us, some of it self inflicted, some of it pressed on us. And we, at a very young age (23, and 25 - older woman - gotta love it!), were tested in a way most couples are not.

And I think it served to galvanize us. We had to fight together to survive our early years of no money and tough family situations. And it made our marriage resilient.

Marriage isn't for the weak of heart. It's a job for grown-ups.

It's about putting yourself down on the list a bit. It's about waiting for what you want, so your wife and kids get what they want. It's about giving up on what you want for your wife and kids needs, and accepting the sacrifice for the greater good (without all the resentment). And Patti has reciprocated in kind. (how awesome is that!)

Oversimplified? I don't think so. Easy? Not in my experience.

like I said, if it was easy, everybody would do it!
m.

Radio, Radio

In a very weird turn of events, I was interviewed on the classic rock station in Buffalo yesterday morning about my little biz!

I send a large percentage of my orders overseas, and I've been tucking stuff from Buffalo, NY (my sunny - at least today! - hometown). I really do love this town, it's a great place to live and an excellent place to raise a family. And with 5 kids and 3 grandkids, I've done my part!

I've been wrapping my product in the sunday paper, putting stationary in the boxes that have the Buffalo logo, that sort of thing. And I've gotten some cool reactions from my customers. One of my best customers in Norway read the sunday paper bits with his wife over dinner. And although they obviously don't know any of the local scene, they got quite a kick out of it.

So, I called the chamber of commerce to see if they had any promotional stuff I could put in the boxes. After getting transferred around, I finally got a guy who, although enthusiastic, never followed through.

Got me to thinking. One of the biggest Buffalo promoters in this town is Larry Norton on 97 Rock.

Larry has had a long and successful career here and is really active in charity and community events. So I dropped him and email to tell him what I've been up to. He called me back in 10 minutes after I sent it and set up an interview. So I was on the radio yesterday morning!

I was sooo nervous, I think it came out ok, I haven't heard anything back from the Norton in the Morning team yet.

Last night I said to Patti a couple times 'holy shit, I was on the radio this morning'.

What a strange/cool adventure this biz has been!

Thanks to everyone at 97 Rock - very,very cool.

I'm gonna listen to 'Physical Graffiti' today in your honor!

m.

Danish Modern part 1

I didn't know much about Danish Modern style of furniture, I've subsequently done some research on it and there are some very cool pieces out there.

Our adventure started with the dining room set, we picked up an entire set of dining room furniture from an estate sale at a consignment shop. We also found a sofa, chair, end tables and a coffee table from the same sale and got them too!!!

Here is the table - it expands out to 106" so we'll finally be able to seat everyone together!!!!
(we had 10 at Saturday breakfast this week - no problems fitting everyone!)

We also got a credenza/china cabinet combo that we placed along one wall, and a server that we temporarily put in front of the doors to our porch. I did some research on this line of furniture and if the server had a black top (ours does) it was originally sold as a 'bar cart' - whoohoooo!

I've also thrown in a pic of our dining room 'built in'. Our house was built in 1917 and is kinda (but not truly) Arts and Crafts - that stained glass window has been featured in an 'architecture walk' in the city.

I haven't taken any pics of the living room stuff yet, I'll post those soon!

What do you think?
m.

Patriarch (!?)

Patti surprised me over the weekend by referring to me as a 'patriarch'.

Conjures up some weird, Norman Rockwellian stuff for me.

We were setting up our new dining room furniture. Which is new/old. We picked it up second hand from a furniture consignment place and we got a complete dining room and living room set, all in Danish Modern style.

And when we were talking about where I should sit, Patti mentioned as the patriarch I should sit at the head of the table. Mostly, I just want to be near to the kitchen as I'm always serving/getting something during a meal. I don't think I've eaten a hot meal I've cooked in years! (The cooks out there understand - I just worry about serving everyone else first)

Patti and I both come from 'broken' homes. Both our folks divorced/remarried, my grandparents divorced/remarried. You need a legal pad to track all the kids/stepkids etc.

The thing I struggle with is the 'old' connotation to patriarch. I really have no problem with that mantle and I suppose it is true, Patti and I have become the patriarch and matriarch of a very close, loving family. I don't know how we did it, we certainly didn't have good examples of what a good marriage/family looks like. It seems miraculous to me, like some happy accident. But we did work hard at being good parents, we always took it seriously. It's strange the way life works sometimes.

And I don't mind that I'm 48 now, being older doesn't really bother me. But when I picture patriarch in my head, it resembles and old amish guy at the head of a great table, ya know?

Oh, I did get a pic of band practice! Here's yours truly....


I was going to put fester's pic on top of mine, but that would be redundant!!!
m.

cool stuff

Well, I got through the 'gig' (stupid word really, never got used to it in all my years of playing). I ended up playing on 4 songs and as always, some sounded better than others.

I was hoping to have pics to post but they didn't come in yet, I'll share them when I get them.

It was a corporate awards event, followed by an open bar and the 'entertainment'. There were 500 people in attendance and after the awards were handed out people flocked to the bar. But mostly, people had their one drink and booked. Not that I blame them, it was a Wednesday night (a school night as Patti and I say).

So after about a half a set, it was pretty thin out there. But that's cool. Had a couple vodka tonics, played a little loud guitar. Not a bad night out...

On the home front, we've been looking for a larger dining room table. I have a big old house and the way things are going with the family, we are THE house for big occasions like Easter, Christmas, etc. We also have a weekly family breakfast thing going.

The breakfast thing has a cool genesis. Patti and I had a weekly date on Saturday mornings for breakfast. Now that the kids are gone, (well, one still in Pharmacy school, but she'll be back), we would go to a local diner joint. Good food, small, only 10 tables or so. Well, the kids started to join us at the restaurant, my daughter, the grand kids, my son and his fiance, my dad when he was up visiting from Florida. We overrun the place, took up a bunch of tables, and breakfast was running up to $50 - 60 per Saturday. No way could we continue that with a kid in pharmacy school! So we moved it 'in-house.'

We have had 12 people on some weeks. And it's cool, people show, they don't show, whatever. I try to gourmet it up a bit, I've made a couple of good casseroles, quiches, anything goes.
Anyhow, our table seats 10 ok, a bit tight.

So we decided to go out and get a bigger table, the dining room is big enough to accommodate it. So we looked at the chain furniture stores and we did find a couple sets we liked, and even came close to buying one. Then we stopped at a consignment place. We didn't find anything, but the owner mentioned he had a dining room set of Danish Modern furniture coming in the next day. So we stopped by. It is soooo cool. I didn't know much about Danish Modern, but it is very, very cool. The set included a china cabinet, server, buffet, table w/6 chairs (gotta get more), and another piece that is like a credenza. It was in excellent condition and all of the pieces included were hundreds less than we were going to spend on the table and chairs!!!! So we got it!!!

As we were leaving, they pointed out a living room set (from the same estate sale), with an 8ft (!) couch, chair, two end tables and a coffee table. All from the same manufacturer, all the same style. We got that too!!! The total cost of the living room and dining room sets was about the same as just the new tables and chairs. And totally cooler than anything we could buy at the chain stores, and better made into the bargain.

They are delivering all of this tonight!!!!

Cool stuff, I'll try to post some pics!
m.

back in the saddle

I've been playing guitar since I was 10 years old. I got started taking lessons from one of the guys in our Catholic church's folk group. I went on to be in that folk group for many years, until it was no longer 'cool' to be in a folk group.

I didn't play a lot during high school, I was a swim jock and played a lot of sports and of course, discovered girls(!).

I took it back up again senior year again and it's been a part of my life ever since. I played in a punk/new wave band in the late seventies/early eighties and had a bit of success. I think I've played every shit bar in Buffalo, NY anyhow. Played NYC, Toronto, Rochester, made a 'demo' tape, shopped it around. But seeing as how I'm a programmer, you can see that was pretty much as far as I got.

I played in several other bands since and played for many years in a worship band at church. This was a pretty rockin' version drums, guitars etc and was a lot of fun.

I developed an auto immune disorder that has rendered my hands and legs numb, and it makes it a lot harder to play now. I don't play much anymore.

We have a work thing (an awards banquet type deal) that is at the Convention Center and a guy I work with has a cover band that is playing the gig. So I'm going to sit in on a couple tunes tonight.

Last night was rehearsal, and once I got the rust off, I had a really good time. It was nice to play again with a full-on band. My hands are still a problem but I can push through on muscle memory ok...

So I'm back!! Weird how life works!
m.

an original voice

Patti and I watched quite a bit of Neil Young's concert film 'Neil Young:Heart of Gold' last night.

That guy is the real deal. In the seventies, I was not a fan. I just couldn't get by the vocal style in general, and the general noisiness of the electric stuff. I never got into any of the folky artists that came out of the seventies. I was never a Dylan or Joni Mitchell fan. Patti, however, was a HUGE fan right from the start.

I remember seeing him on that MTV Music Award show with Pearl Jam and he was just sooo cool. He definitely has the cool vibe going. Over the last few years we've picked up a large chunk of his catalog and I really have become a fan.

He does a bunch of stuff from the old days in the film, some of it with just him, a harmonica and a guitar. And he sounds as good as the day he recorded the originals 30 some years ago. He's 63 years old now and is still writing and recording.

So many of the 60's and 70's artists are either faded into obscurity or just do reunion tours. They don't record and haven't stayed viable. I give the Stones props for at least recording new music and then touring. The Who, who I think peaked with Quadrophenia, haven't done anything in years and still roll out and tour.

Love him or hate him, Neil Young is still the artist Neil Young, and that's a rare thing after 40 years of the music biz....
m.

spring is in the air

And young men's thought turn to...

Yeah, springtime in Buffalo. It's a calendar thing, not a reality thing. Spring here is a bit of a tease. We'll get a good day here and again, maybe reach into the 40's but it's pretty much a couple weeks more of winter. We still have dirty piles of snow everywhere, the streets are fine and all, but there is still plenty of snow all over.

But you really can't tell if you're out in the world.

Everyone is getting a bit antsy. You'll see people out in shorts when it's 45. Because everyone WANTS it to be spring so bad. I saw one of my neighbors shoveling in a pair of shorts this weekend. Yes, it was 48, but I wouldn't let my bald head out there without a hat, let alone my legs.

Spring just makes people goofy. Maybe it's one of those hormonal things, I don't know. But I feel it. Just a vague sense of anticipation (?), mixed with a bit of perked libido, and a taste for grilled food. Does that make sense? I get a bit weird around September too, I think that's a hold over from going to school. And when you're a parent, you deal with the whole 'back to school' thing for a good chunk of your adult life. There is that sense of change like something new is coming.

so happy vernalequinoxanticipitorysexburger to all of you out there!
m.

oh, how the mighty have fallen...

Man, Spitzer is in a world of trouble.

I just don't understand this guy. I mean, this guy was an arrogant prick as Attorney General for New York State. And I think that is an excellent job for an arrogant prick. Certainly not for the faint of heart. Now their saying his dalliances go back as much as 8 years!!! (well into his term for AG). This guy was merciless in his prosecutions on Wall Street, the Native American community HATES this guy, and that whole immigration thing with the licenses he tried to pull off was a huge mistake. They are gonna crucify this guy, if he's looking for help, he won't get it.

How can an intelligent man, who knows the law better than 90% of the population, be so stupid?

More proof that the little head often thinks for the big head.

The other thing that just floors me is the up to $5500/hr thing. I have an excellent imagination and probably like sex more than the average guy. I cannot think of anything that I could ask for that would warrant (pun!) such a price. Ok, the girls are pros, and probably smoking hot (as far as that goes). I can rationalize a premium for that, but 5,500?? That's a used car, not a blowjob! Even if I go in a freaky direction (not for me, but I'm not judging) just exactly what crazy shit do you have to be into for that?

I feel really bad for his wife and daughters. By the end of the week they'll probably be moving out of the governor's mansion, her husband's political career over. And for what? Sex? Geez, get an internet connection for crying out loud...

And ya know, if I could come up with some crazy scenario that I HAD to have, I'd ask my wife. Yeah, she could say no, but as long as it wasn't illegal, it probably wouldn't be a problem, cuz when you're married you do stuff for one another, even if YOU don't understand their need for it. I know that, and I didn't go to Harvard...

m.

What it's worth

Patti and I watch a lot of home improvement/real estate type shows on HGTV and the like. We've always been do it yourself'ers when it came to the house. When we were first together, it was out of necessity, now we do it to put our stamp on things. Which is really fun!

Recently we've watched that 'What's my house worth' a bunch. The premise of the show, for those of you that haven't seen it, is to let people know if they've gone too far on their on their improvements for their neighborhoods. It's really entertaining to see what people have done and (geez) the money they spend.

I live in Buffalo, and the housing market here has always been much way below the average, so it's kinda hard to relate to 1400 square ft. houses going for 700k!

Firstly, there is an extremely annoying thing at the end of each review of the homes by an 'expert' where they say 'your house is worth'.... (pregnant pause - lots of stupid looking at each other replete with expressions) and then they give the number, and the people are happy/unhappy. Every time they do that pause I cringe...

The last couple of shows we saw the people wanted to see if the improvements have garnered enough money for them to 'upgrade' or do more improvements. So they'll say 'well, we're hoping for 1.5 mil, so we can remodel the basement (or buy a bigger home).

What is interesting to me is that the people NEVER will have any equity, and it doesn't seem to bother them in the least. So if your house is assessed for 30k more than you paid it's like someone gave them 30k cash. I just can't rationalize that. I just couldn't do it. I want to pay my house off, not perpetually run the mortgage to the legal limit (or more).

Does this make sense to anyone else? It sure doesn't to me. I couldn't sleep at night if I did that...

m.

random thoughts

It was nearly 60 degrees here (!) yesterday. All the dirty snow melted away!!! Excellent!!!

It's 30 now and an ice storm is coming! er, ok, I guess bring it on!

As some of you know Patti and I are going through our dvd collection in alphabetical order. So this weekend was the Matrix movies. Ok, the first movie is really very good. Holds up very well and the story has a nice arc (beg, mid, end) Great special effects and and interesting, engaging story.

The next two movies. Just shit. They got caught up in their own bullshit for those two. So many conversations - 'I know you are, but what am I?" 'you know the answers, but need the questions'. Obtuse, contradictory dialogue doesn't make you deep. It's just stupid. What a ridiculous mess. And they made metric assloads of money on those.....

Finally, Patti and I are not sick!!! We both have a bit of a lingering cough, but it's nice to be in the land of the living again. February was a blur, and not in a good way.

I need some sunshine. I want to open up the windows in the house. It's been so bleak and so gray I really would love to see a bit of spring. But that's the way spring comes to Buffalo, in fits and starts. Having one good day, made it worse.....

We're talking about replacing an area of garden in the back with grass and putting up a swing set for the grandkids. We have a nice fenced yard, it would be great to just let them go outside and play.... that is if it EVER WARMS UP!!!! We're looking at those tubular metal (cheap) ones, any opinions about those wooden ones? Worth the money? We don't want a monstrosity, still has to be kinda small....

Kinda nice to feel better. I guess I didn't realize how run down I'd become....

Take care out there,
m.

whoa, what a month

February has kinda sucked, my poor wife has had one bug after another and last week, well, I guess was my turn.

Thankfully, I didn't get the stomach virus thing, Patti had that a couple weekends ago, only to come down with the head cold/cough version a week later. I think her resistance was low and that's why she got the second one. So every weekend has been spent nursing either Patti or myself back to health.

I got the cold bug last week. I felt kinda funny on Monday (not in a good way) and I actually came into work on Tuesday. By 10 or so I was getting chills and generally feeling shittier. I went home and was on my ass for two straight days.

Brutal, brutal stuff. I had been fighting off a cold for a while, but this was one of those things that just knock the stuffing right out of you. There was about a 24 hour period where Patti was on one couch, I was on the other. No tv, no talking, just laying there under blankets. Totally sucked. I missed several days at work, and Patti still isn't herself. (She's always a bit slower to recover, she's a tough lady but has kinda a weak constitution, once she gets sick, it's tougher for her to shake)

So, that sucks.

Did you catch the Oscars? I tried to watch, I really did. But the broadcast is really such shit. I ended up watching for a couple minutes and then went back to channel surfing. The award shows have really always sucked. I hate the production numbers I hate the forced 'comedy' at the podium.

But the Cohen's break through. I actually saw 'No Country', 'There Will Be Blood' and 'Michael Clayton' and the awards went pretty much where I thought. If you've not seen these movies ALL are worth it. And that's a rare thing these days. Hopefully, PT Anderson has cemented his place in Hollywood - that guy is a freakin' genius...


Take care kids!
m.

sick

ugh...
m.

Happy Valentine's Day

Another Valentine's Day, another chance for guys across America to completely screw the pooch!

My wife and I don't really pay much attention to V day. It's just another day for us, although I did say 'Happy Valentine's Day', we won't be making much of a fuss. Patti isn't really fussy about these kinds of things, we both think this is just another Hallmark holiday. We talked about it on the way to work and she basically said if I didn't really feel loved, a box of chocolates or flowers wouldn't make the difference anyway. And she really means it, she does NOT expect anything.

For most guys I think there is quite a bit of trepidation about this sort of thing (anniversaries included). It's a bit of a mine field for most guys, even if there wifes/girlfriends say it's no big deal. I think most women DO expect something here, and guys, being guys, will read into their 'indifference' and end up sleeping on the couch. (oh, and please ladies, don't tell us it's no big deal if you're going to get disappointed later - that's not fair - we're guys, we're gonna understand you for what you SAY not what you MEAN!)

Everyone wants a little fussing now and again, but that's what the other 364 days are for. Most men I know are blowing it. I've always believed in the 'us' that is our marriage and I've never had any trouble investing in it. And that's the rub. A lot of people disappointed in their relationships are suffering from the lack of investment in it. And it's foolishness. If you didn't water and care for a house plant it would die, everyone knows that. Why is it so difficult (especially for my gender) to see that a little care and selflessness would bring huge returns. Disappointed with your sex life? Look outside the bedroom, cuz if it's not working there, it ain't gonna work in there! (oh, and guys - the opposite is totally true - for a lot of guys I know, that'd be enough incentive)

I'm blessed to be in an unbelievable marriage, beyond any expectations of anything I could have worked out in my practical little brain. And it's not because I do this or Patti does that. It's because we work at preserving the 'us'. The 'us' is more important than either of our individual needs. She's got my back, I've got hers - pretty nice way to face this crazy world.

And our investment in that has brought me more personal satisfaction and happiness than anything I could have done for myself. And it's served us very well over the last 25 years...

So, Happy Valentine's Day - I hope your investments bring huge returns!!!!
m.
(huh - he said huge - huh, huh)

Holy Crap it's cold!

It's 6 degrees here. 6!!! Man, it is ridiculously cold. My sidewalks are like mini ice rinks.

The sidewalks were kinda slushy a couple days ago, now they are like giant footprint galleries. I put some salt down on them yesterday, didn't even make a dent.

I think it might be too cold for it to work.

Patti had that flu bug that was going around. What a helpless feeling. She was soooo sick. I felt terrible for her. It lasted nearly 3 days. Awful stomach flu thing. She was as weak as a kitten by Sunday and we didn't do anything.

Our weekend consisted of me making the blandest foods possible for Patti to throw up later. It was brutal. She's finally keeping food down and really just needs to get her strength back.

So beware, my friends, it's going around and you DO NOT WANT it!!!
m.

Geez, Hillary.

I know you're not supposed to talk religion and politics, but geez Hillary. I live in New York, she's MY senator. Well, not exactly. She seized the open senate seat here, where if you are a serial killer pedophile - but registered Democrat - you have a shot.

One of the things about New York state is that it is all about NYC. The state goes as the city goes. And I'm upstate. Waaaaay upstate - 400 miles away from the big city. We got visited by Hillary a bunch of times, she'd swoop in for a photo op, promise a bunch of stuff to 'revitalize' the area, then got back on the plane.

And people ate it up with a spoon! But you know what? No new jobs, nothing has changed. And maybe that's the crux of it. They are ALL full of shit!!! And I participate in the primaries, I vote, I read the position papers on different candidates, and really, it's the same old, same old.

It's kinda hard not to feel just a bit foolish by the end of it all. And I'm a prime example of the type of person that if the right noises were made in my direction by a candidate, I would probably believe them. Because I desperately WANT to believe in them.

I'm a dreamer, I'm an idealist. I believe that people, given the chance will choose the good and righteous thing to do. And really, that isn't even my experience. People are selfish and self-serving, pretty much most of the time. More so in the political arena. Patti thinks that's really funny - that I consistently will try to believe, try to trust - when life has shown me otherwise.

But I can't help it. I HAVE to believe in the goodness in people - and believe me I often disappointed.

Maybe it's just me, but Hillary just impresses me as the most disingenuous politician I can think of. And it's a gut thing. I hear her and I instantly think she's full of crap. (as opposed to believing in a candidate only to find out after they are elected that they're full of crap). I can't believe she's even in the race for the Democratic nomination. I don't know why I react that way to her, but I do. Most politicians evoke a vague sense of distrust in me, with Hillary my BS meter gets pegged instantly.

Maybe at the root of it is my combination of cynicism and hopefullness, and I hold them both dearly. Obviously, a contradiction, but not all that crazy really. I believe in 'look before you leap' and 'he who hesitates is lost' in equal measures.

Ok, maybe it is crazy.
m.

Another birthday comes and goes

We've never been big birthday celebrators and that's really ok with me.

My wife's bosses family goes completely nuts. Banners, parties the whole nine. We just kinda let them slide by.

When the kids were small we used to do family parties, replete with cake and ice cream etc. And when they were a bit bigger we even did the ChuckECheese parties and bowling parties.

But Patti and I never fussed much for each other. The most we do is 'Well, it's your birthday, what do you want to do with the day?'.

My birthday (my 48th) was Super Bowl sunday. We went out for breakfast (which was the only thing I really wanted to do) and pretty much stayed in for the rest of the day. I puttered around the house, worked on a couple of pedals (for guitar effects - hobby/biz) and basically just effed off.

And I'm totally ok with that. I really don't like all the attention. The older I get the more I want to stay under the radar. If I had my way I'd never leave the house. In a perfect world, Patti and I would just be home with each other. The kids can come visit (and the grandkids!), but really that's all we want to do. And we're both that way. We go to work, and then race home just to BE with each other.

We spent quite a bit of sunday in the same house, but doing other stuff. Patti is a voracious reader, and she pounded through one book and started another. Just the being together is the thing.

The only thing that occurred to me this year is that 48 sounds a lot closer to 50! And I guess that doesn't really bother me, although it does feel a bit like approaching a milestone. Patti turns 50 this year, she's completely unfazed by it. I really think that our level of contentment with our lives and each other makes the whole getting older thing irrelevant.

If we were both working to achieve some higher goal or some level of happiness, I think maybe the time would feel like 'another year gone and no progress'. I don't want to dump my wife for a newer younger model, I don't want a sports car - I just want to BE - just like we are.

And I don't feel 48 (whatever that means), but I think 48 IS kinda old. And I don't feel all that old! (Maybe everyone feels that way) I'm still young inside my head, ya know? So, maybe sometime soon, I'll travel to WV and drive aimlessly around on Tuesdays for Tammie. I can even be surly and wear a little hat on the back of my head while I peer over the steering wheel!

So that's the big question of getting older - when do you qualify as a participant in elderly hell day?
m.

an unencombered day off

Hey kids, tomorrow is a rarity. A day off!!! With no icky bits!!! Usually my days off are filled with meeting the cable guy, or the furnace guy, or the tree guy or whatever...

My wife has to work, so I will have a whole day to putter around the house. This NEVER happens. I decided to take the day kinda like a mental health day. I have so many projects I could work on, but I just don't know what to do! So many choices, only one day.

We're supposed to get 6 - 12 inches of snow tomorrow, or not, maybe rain, maybe freezing rain. (I swear they just make this shit up) I will totally refuse to shovel during my day off!!!! It'll have to wait until after work hours!!!!

I'm giddy with the possibilities. I'm definately moving our computer to our newly reclaimed office. And probably cleaning the 3rd floor office/lab.

I make effects pedals for guitars in my secret lab on the third floor and its a freakin' disaster up there. If I could pick, I'd spend the whole day up in the lab! I've got to re-house a pedal (put it in a new enclosure) and I'd like to start work on a few new ones, at least make the circuit boards and drill them.

But hey, I'm NOT WORKING!!! And that my friends is enough for me!!!
m.

Keeping it all together

Whenever I watch my grown kids struggle, it makes me think about when I was in my young 20's and first out in the world. I remember how hard it was. Just to have things that I was already accustomed to, like cable, phone, a car, car ins. etc.

It got Patti and I to talking. Patti thinks it has become much harder to set up house, much more difficult than when we were young. It just may be. We had a hard time when we were young. No money, just keeping our heads above water. Which is where I'd put my kids about now. They are doing it, but it's not easy. But I don't know if it is more difficult.

I have attained the American dream of owning my own home, I've started my own business. I'm able to help my kids a bit. I think I've attained at least what my father did. And from what I've read recently, my generation might be the last to do this.

I do know how hard Patti and I worked. We did without a lot of things many around us acquired. And I think that might be part of the problem. So much of what my kids want is viewed as necessary, not optional. And they will step beyond good sense to reach what they think is their due. Internet access, cell phone/blackberry with unlimited texting, DVR's, Abercrombie hoodies, $150.00 jeans, full-on gaming system with wii!.

Makes me wonder if it's truly harder or that we've set our reach beyond our grasp. Subtle change, but what we found to be essential isn't the same as the next generation. And perhaps, we've set ourselves up to want what we do not need and cannot reasonably afford. How can we not end up either disappointed or unsatisfied?

m.

The Oscars

Patti and I love movies. We have amassed quite the DVD collection over the years and we watch our movies in alphabetical order. I know that sounds anal, but it has worked out to be a really cool way to watch the movies without all the debating over 'what do you feel like watching'.

We tend to like movies that are different, Patti gravitates toward what I describe as 'Twisted Human Wreckage' movies. Which brings me to the Oscars this year.

Now I don't care if they have a show or not, and I know there is a lot of politics, probably payola and a lot of 'campaigning' to get the nominations and the awards. All that aside, we've actually seen 3 of the 5 best picture nominees.

No Country for Old Men - is an absolutely amazingly dark crime movie from the Cohen Brothers. Javiar Bardem is chilling as the bad guy (and nearly everyone is at least not a 'good guy'). He's as good a boogeyman as any ever in film. The movie is based on a book by Cormac McCarthy (who is also brilliant - read 'All the Pretty Horses' one of the best books I've read in decades) and the Cohen bros. do him proud. This is my pick for best pic, I'd like the Cohen's to win for director but...

There Will Be Blood - This is a Tour de Force performance by Daniel Day Lewis. The story is solid and satisfying, but this is a performance movie and he is effing brilliant. I saw the movie tuesday and I'm still thinking about it. Paul Thomas Anderson has made some of the best movies over the last 10 years, this has the narrative and performances to possibly bring this guy to the masses. Best actor for Lewis, best director for PT Anderson.

Michael Clayton - Really good, but not in the class of the previous movies. Everyone is great in this movie - Clooney, Swinton, and Wilkinson are all first rate. This is a grown ups movie and really a good time. Definitely worth seeing.

We're going to try to see Juno, which I kinda peg as this years Little Miss Sunshine.

If you like challenging, dark movies, any of the three fit the bill. I think No Country and There Will be Blood will be talked about for years!
m.

This working life

I don't know how you feel about it, but I've been working (for other people) full time since I was 20 years old. That means for nearly 28 years (holy shit!) I've been making other people rich.

And I've seen it first hand. My longest tenured position was 18 years with the same company. I was employee 4. The biz grew and grew making the owner a millionaire. (Probably several times over) And, ya know, I was paid pretty well throughout and my family was well taken care of, so I'm not complaining.

However, I think I worked just as hard (and for the last 8 - 10 years the owner hardly showed up) and he's got millions and I've got a bit of a 401k.

After I left that company experience I was changed. I now don't look at my work life in quite the same way. When I was younger, I gave blood for my job. Losta hours, lotsa personal investment, NO EQUITY!!!

I want to build something of my own. I want to control my own work destiny. I have started a little business, and although it will not likely grow to replace my current income as a software developer, it could be a nice 'retirement income'. I read a book about 'lifestyle entrepreneurship', and what the gist of it is, is that a lot of people build a business, not to be the next MicroSoft, but to be financially independent. Obviously, this means different things to different people.

I don't want to be a bazillionaire, at least I'm not setting out to be. I'd like to be my own thing, where a decision made in another state, by people I don't even know (or who know me) can throw my world into chaos. People travel from different countries just to do what I am doing now after nearly 48 years on the planet.

There are days that go by with no sales and little activity, but things are definitely moving in the right direction and I'm starting to dream a little.

And it's a nice dream!
m.

Holy Crap it's cold!!!

Man, oh man, is it cold!!!! I'm ok with winter, the snow really doesn't bother me, but single digit cold weather is a drag. We get about a week or so of really bitterly cold days a winter here in sunny Buffalo, and although this will only last a few days it's pretty brutal.

The snow crunches under your feet and it really is pretty uncomfortable to be out there any length of time.

It was -4 at the Packers game. -4!!!??? If you ever needed a reason to eat the ticket and stay home and watch the game on your big screen, this was it. I'm not a huge football fan, so I don't even know the coaches name for the NY Giants, but I was worried about him. His face looked like a shiny beet by the end of the game. (And he's no youngin')

We moved the desk into our new 'office' newly vacated by my son's moving out. Very cool to have a dedicated room (instead of an area) for all the house biz. We have some new bookshelves, our filing cabinet, the desk and even a little sitting area with two chairs. It needs stuff on the walls, we've got to pick up a couple of frames, but it's really coming along nicely.

My wife just loves re-arranging the house, and she really does have her own sense of style about it. I don't always know where she's going with stuff, but when it's all done, it looks good. And the coolest part is the rooms feel good. Like somewhere you'd like to sit. I don't know if it's Feng Sui or what, but it's pretty cool...

Have a great monday, y'all...
m.

Spring Cleaning starting early

Well, another one bites the dust.

My son (#2) is getting married in June to a delightful girl. She's a peach and will be a great asset to him. They are perfect for each other, they both have similar interests and they compliment each other very well.

Well my future daughter-in-law and my son have got themselves an apartment. This, of course, will be the young marrieds new residence.

So last week my son cleared out his room and most of his stuff. So over the weekend I re-painted his old room, which will become the 'guest bedroom'. Last night Patti and I moved all the furniture into the new room. It really turned out nice. It looks very welcoming, and if we had better dressers, it would almost look like a bed and breakfast room.

Now the fun part. Moving the 'office' which here to for has been in a corner of the living room, up to the newly vacated room! Which is pretty exciting (I know, I've got to get out more!) It will be really nice to have the office on the second floor, and re-claim the living room.

So tonight I've got to saddle up (and limber up) for the great furniture re-arranging.

So another leaves the nest and we've effectively re-claimed the area for ourselves. I don't think I'm supposed to be happy about the empty-nest thing, but Patti and I have always had kids around. We never were just us!

So now, with the only kid in graduate school, away from home, we're effectively alone for the first time in 25 years!!! Kinda neat!!
m.

White coat

I didn't know what a white coat ceremony was (really) before this weekend. Daughter #3 is in graduate school and survived her first semester (3.0 thank you very much) of Pharmacy Graduate school. (It takes 8 years total, 4 years undergrad, 3 years study, 1 year internship)

To kick off the semester they had a 'White Coat Ceremony'. She goes to school about an 1 1/2 hour drive away from home, but my Daughter #2 and her husband, Daughter #3's boyfriend, Son #2 and his fiance and Grandson #3, all made the trek on Sunday.

The ceremony was very nice, and what I didn't know is that this was a rite of passage of sorts for my daughter. Speakers spoke about being in the class that got white coated when they were in school.

So we all piled into the auditorium and one by one the students were called up on stage and the dean of the school of pharmacy would put the coat on them. It was very cool. So now my daughter has her lab/pharmacist coat with her name stitched on the front in red. Then all the students faced the crowd and recited an oath.

Afterward there was a reception with finger foods and wine and cheese. That was pretty nice too, got to meet some of Daughter #3's professors. Then we all went back to our daughter's one bedroom apartment for pizza and beer! (and watched the football playoffs)

It was a very loud, but very cool night - I don't think anyone slept that well, we were stacked up like cord wood. But it was an awesome family time.

The cool thing that occurred to me was how proud (I know I've said this before) I am not just of Daughter #3, but of all my kids. It was great fun hanging out with all of them over a very special occasion.
m.

Their own voice

Patti and I got into a discussion about music and artists that have developed their own voice. Not an easy thing to do.

Like in the 90's with the grunge thing, Nirvana and Pearl Jam are huge successes (and I believe had their own thing going) and then for the rest of the 90's a bazillion bands come out that sound like them.

I like the Killers, their 1st CD is pretty solid and Sam's Town wasn't the smash the first one was but it wasn't bad. They sound like themselves. I know they are kinda retro 80's in their sound, but if you hear them - you know it's them. And very few artists achieve that.

U2 - same thing - you KNOW it's them, from the first chord usually!

I keep getting bands like the All American Rejects, Yellowcard etc confused. SSDD, ya know?

So a partial list of bands that are their own thing:
The Rolling Stones
Zep
Pink Floyd
Tom Waits
Leonard Cohen
Dave Matthews (I'm NOT a fan, but hey he's an original)
Depeche Mode
The Clash

Others?
m.

White coat Ceremony

I'd never heard of a 'White coat Ceremony' before. My daughter (#3) successfully completed semester #1 of graduate Pharmacy school, so on Sunday we're going to attend her White coat ceremony. (Maybe it's whitecoat - help me out grammar people!)

Here she will be given her very chic Pharmacy lab coat with her name stitched in to it. Very, very cool.

My son (#2) and his fiance, Daughter #2 and her hubby and grandson #3, Patti and I are all going up to attend the ceremony. Gonna be kinda crowded in the one bedroom apartment. Thank God we're all family. We're gonna be stacked up like cord wood to sleep over!

Dinner with daughter #2 and #3 was terrific. We ate huge plates of seafood, the service was good and the food was very good. I had a surf and turf and it kicked ass. I haven't had a lobster tail in a while and I really enjoyed it. I used to travel to Boston for biz and always scored some kind of lobster dish when I was there, but I've been off the road (thankfully) for several years so I haven't 'lobstered up' in a while. I remember a plate of lobster ravioli in the north end of Boston that I had 15 years ago, geez that was amazing food!

So it should be an interesting weekend and I gotta say I'm looking forward to it!
m.

Dinner with my daughters

Tonight is going to be fun!

I'm taking daughter #2 and #3 out to Red Lobster for dinner. Patti doesn't like Red Lobster especially if there are crab legs, lobster and shrimp involved. She thinks they look like bugs! Albeit she has a point. If you took a toddler and placed a lobster or a crab down nearby, they'd likely think it was a huge bug. Patti just can't get by that, she freaks out about bugs in general.

So tonight, Patti is watching grandson (#3 - nearly two years old) and we're going to eat huge plate fulls of bugs!!!

Daughter #3 goes back to Pharmacy school this weekend so it'll be a bit of a send off as well. Both daughters love seafood, so this should be a lot of fun.

As with most parents of adults, we just don't have the time or opportunity to just have a nice night out. Plus the grandkids make it hard for Daughter #2 to get out and do something like this.

I'm really looking forward to tonight, a little white wine and a nice large bug with drawn butter!
mmmmmmmmmm.

m.

Winter Classic

Well it's over!

Buffalo (my home town) hosted the 'Winter Classic' yesterday an NHL hockey game played outside at Ralph Wilson Stadium outside of Buffalo.

This was a very big deal for this town. I was offered tickets by my wife's boss and my daughter (#2) asked me if I'd like to go with her. Tickets sold out in like 5 minutes for this thing. Over 70,000 seats! It was the toughest ticket in town.

I just couldn't rationalize sitting out there in the cold all day. And we're talking all day. Buffalonians know how to party. The tailgaters were out bright and early for this one. I even heard they pelted the Penguins team bus with snowballs when they arrived. (Excellent work out there people!) I did watch parts of it, I am a hockey fan.

So Patti and I had the day to ourselves, which was really nice. We went out to breakfast together then I came home and popped a nice little 14.5 lb turkey in the oven for dinner.

So we caught the end of the game while eating a full-on turkey dinner in front of a nice fire.

Now I know, I missed an historical sporting event. But I still think I got the better part of the deal!

This town is a riot when it comes to its sports teams! And I think we looked pretty good on TV, even with all the snow! Did any of you catch the game?

m.